Movie Haiku - Ocean's Twelve & Sideways

Ocean's Twelve
Dir: Steven Soderbergh
Cast: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Catherine Zeta-Jones

The gang are all back
pull one more job to raise cash
they enjoy, we don't

The critics here in the UK have been savage. Ocean's Eleven was a hip remake with a stellar cast, but certainly not a movie that I ever felt warranted a sequel. And sadly the critics are right - this film is a mess. The best thing about it is the ever-cool David Holmes soundtrack, but that's hardly a compliment when you consider all the other big names involved. Soderbergh seems to think that getting the entire cast back together is all he needs to hit paydirt, when in fact a decent plot and script would be more useful. The story is muddled at best, starting with Andy Garcia's character tracking down Clooney's crew without any regard for time / distance / logic, and it goes rapidly downhill from there. The main problem is that there's not one big con to build up to - it turns into three smaller jobs, all of which lack any kind of suspense or excitement for the viewer. Clooney has some okay scenes at the beginning but then seems to vanish into the background for the remainder of the movie. Pitt looks the part but his relationship with Europol agent Zeta-Jones is contrived and unconvincing. Matt Damon is the only one who at least tries to give his character some sort of story arc, although the oldies Elliott Gould and Carl Reiner also emerge with their dignity intact after their all-too-brief scenes. Then there's Don Cheadle; you'd have thought he might have improved on his cockney accent in the three years between films, but no. It's still hilariously awful. And you have to feel sorry for Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck and Eddie Jemison who I can only think must have offended somebody as they barely manage one line of dialogue between them! On the plus side there's Vincent Cassell as the gang's nemesis, The Nightfox, who is a far more interesting character, though sadly underwritten - if the film had centred around him and ditched half of the supporting cast then we might have had something worth watching here. The film hits its nadir when Julia Robert's character - playing Julia Roberts (oh, the hilarity) - bumps into a certain other well known Hollywood actor. Sure, I smiled at the initial cameo... but then as said actor continues to stumble into the following scenes it really is the case of an in-joke being stretched way too far. In the end I just wanted to slam Soderbergh's head into a fridge door screaming, "You might think this is funny but not one person in the audience is laughing, you smug self-satisfied piece of sh*t!" It's not the worst film ever made, just a shameful waste of talent and a shocking disappointment.

soulmining rating: **

Sideways
Dir: Alexander Payne
Cast: Paul Giamatti, Thomas Hayden-Church, Virginia Madsen, Sandra Oh

Guys meet nice ladies
but he's due to be married
Pinot not Merlot

This is more like it. Two blokes on a road trip before one of them gets married, they do a lot of wine tasting, meet a couple of fine women, and then things start to get a little complicated. It's a film chock full of fine performances from the four main actors, and it's easy to see why it's attracted so many award nominations for its cast, in addition to plaudits for the screenwriter and director. It's both bittersweet and funny, and the complexity of these characters are expertly defined, with the men especially coming across as well-intentioned yet ultimately flawed individuals. Giamatti and Hayden-Church do a grand job at bringing these characters to life, and it's good to see Madsen back on our screens again. Oh too finally gets a decent role in which to display her acting talent (check out Don McKellar's brilliant Last Night for a further example, sadly still lacking a decent DVD release... grumble, grumble). A film to be savoured like the fine wines on screen.

soulmining rating: ****