Movie Haiku - The Dukes Of Hazzard

www.dukesofhazzard.warnerbros.com


Dir: Jay Chandrasekhar


Cast: Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, Jessica Simpson, Burt Reynolds


They drive orange car

Hogg wants to sell their farmland

yee haw, it's brainless


Like many chaps my age, I used to love watching The Dukes Of Hazzard on Saturday afternoons when I was growing up. The inevitable movie adaptation arrives here with a questionable pedigree - Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott and Jessica Simpson as the Dukes, with Broken Lizard's Jay Chandrasekar at the helm? Well, it hardly suggests box office gold. The plot - and I use that word generously - has Boss Hogg (Reynolds) with a dastardly plan to turn Hazzard County into a large mine. He's going to get the plans approved at the town hall whilst all the townsfolk are watching the annual road race. Of course, the Dukes find out what's going on and manage to thwart his plans, whilst winning the race into the bargain. Well, what else did you expect to happen? This actually makes the film sound like it has a coherent story, but frankly it's a sorry mess. Let's take Luke (Knoxville) and Bo (Scott) - in the tv series they were likeable and intelligent. Here they're just stupid, always playing silly pranks on one another as if they're in an American Pie movie. Quite how they figure out how to dress themselves, let alone uncover Hogg's plan is a miracle in itself. Surely the fundamental cornerstone of The Dukes Of Hazzard was that the Dukes were the clever ones, whilst the cops were the dumb ones? And then there's Daisy (Simpson); don't get me wrong, she's very pretty in those shortest of shorts, but that's all she is in this film - sex on legs. Come on, Daisy always had beauty and brains, but here she's given no character whatsoever. The casting is all wrong too... step forward Sean William Scott. This man is an idiot, he is just wretched, and if I ever hear him shout "yee haw!" or "whoo!" once more then I will become violent. And Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg? Surely you need Danny De Vito? Don't the producers understand that you need familiar character actors for the supporting roles, not a bunch of nobodies... Prickett (the racing driver) so wants to be Ben Stiller, but he doesn't even come close. Knoxville I can forgive, he just looks embarassed about the whole thing, especially when he has to ride with Jessie (Willie Nelson) and put up with his awful wisecracks. Jeez, even Jackass was less painful than Willie's jokes. Chandrasekar isn't a bad director (heck, I even enjoyed Club Dread) but what can he do when the writing is so, so poor? I mean, the Dukes drive to the college Atlanta on a tenuous mission just so we can 'enjoy' a bit of slapstick and culture-shock humour. No! No! No! And how about this for stupidity; why do all the townsfolk suddenly decide to follow Bo to the town hall when he wins the race? Is he the pied-piper of Hazzard County? IT MAKES NO F***ING SENSE! Okay, I admit, this movie annoyed me. The only saving grace comes during the closing credits when we get to see all the outtakes of the stuntmen wrecking upteen General Lees on the freeway. It's not quite as bad as Stealth, but this film is definitely one hazard which should be avoided.

soulmining rating: *