Movie Haiku - House Of Wax

www.houseofwaxmovie.co.uk

Dir: Jaume Collet-Serra

Cast: Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt, Paris Hilton

Folk covered in wax
horny Hilton has headache
eye candy and gore

House Of Wax is the latest in a long line of remakes from the Dark Castle production team. This new version follows six college students as they’re driving across country to attend a football game. In a typical teen-horror scenario they hit a diversion and have to set up camp for the night, where they soon fall foul of an unseen trucker when quick-tempered Nick (Murray) smashes his headlight. The following morning the kids discover that the brake line of the car belonging to Wade (Jared Padalecki) has been tampered with, so he stays behind with girlfriend (and Nick’s sister) Carly (Cuthbert) to get it fixed. The two of them end up in a small town – whose main attraction appears to be a House of Wax – where they meet local garage owner Vincent (Van Holt), who coincidentally owns a truck with a smashed headlight… The first half of this film moves at a sluggish pace as it introduces the characters, so it comes as a welcome relief when the villain is revealed and the killing can finally begin. Thankfully the other teens soon return to help their friends, so there’s plenty of choice for our evil killer who loves nothing better than to turn his victims into wax exhibits. For a 15 certificate film this is quite a gory picture, with stabbings and body parts being removed willy-nilly, plus a head-smashing scene which isn’t that far removed from the ones that caused so much fuss in Fight Club and Irreversible. First time director Collet-Serra takes gleeful delight in the manner in which the characters are despatched, and the much talked-about scene in which Paige (Hilton) is killed is probably the pick of the bunch. Yet we’re given little in the way of motivation for the killer, and any attention to reality is soon lost when all manner of recently maimed characters keep running around as if they’ve suffered nothing more than a paper cut. The House of Wax itself is impressive but surely if it’s set on fire and the wax starts dripping, it’s gonna be hot? Just a thought. The acting is mediocre as you’d expect, aside perhaps from Cuthbert who’s had plenty of practice in running around in a low-cut top from her work on 24. And please, one final whinge, why do we always have to have endless heavy rock music for no apparent reason other than to flog the obvious cash-in soundtrack CD? These grumbles aside, if you leave your brain in neutral then this is a fun film with some enjoyable death scenes – and is absolutely unmissable if you’re fifteen years old.

soulmining rating: ***

You can read an expanded version of my review on Eat My Brains website here.