Movie Haiku - X-Men: The Last Stand

www.x3movie.com


Dir: Brett Ratner


Cast: Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Ian McKellan, Patrick Stewart


Mutants can be cured

so much plot needs longer cut

he's not dead you know


soulmining rating: ***

Movie Haiku - United 93

www.uip.co.uk/united93


Dir: Paul Greengrass


Cast: Ben Sliney, Christian Clemenson, Khalid Abdalla, Cheyenne Jackson


Heroes on a plane

no big stars to distract us

utterly gripping


soulmining rating: ****

On August 18th Summer really begins

AS THE SUMMER MOVIE SEASON BEGINS

YOU WILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE THE BLOCKBUSTERS

MOVIES THAT WILL HAVE

HUGE STARS

SWASHBUCKLING PIRATES

ELABORATE CODES

INCREDIBLE SUPERHEROES

AND ANIMATED ADVENTURES

BUT THERE'S ONE THING

WE GUARANTEE THEY WON'T HAVE...

SNAKES ON A PLANE

Yes, the Snakes On A Plane teaser trailer has finally surfaced online and you can see it here.

Nicolas Roeg at Brighton Festival

The conversation with Nicolas Roeg at the Duke of York's cinema was not the best festival event this year. The director talked for an hour about his career, broken up by clips from Eureka, Walkabout, Don't Look Now and Bad Timing, and then took part in a 45 minute Q&A with the audience. Unfortunately his conversation was frequently muffled and he had a tendency to ramble off topic unchecked by the chairperson. Still, it was interesting to learn about his current projects - he's recently completed shooting on Puffball, an adaptation of a Fay Weldon thriller which stars Miranda Richardson and Donald Sutherland, but sadly his proposed sci-fi movie Adina (with Neve Campbell attached) is no longer happening as he's been unable to raise the finances. Also - rather inevitably - he revealed that there are plans afoot to remake of two of his best known films, Don't Look Now and The Man Who Fell To Earth. It's a sad state of the industry that people are willing to invest in these endless remakes rather than something more original like Roeg's Adina.

Bic Runga at the Spiegeltent

Having caught Nerina Pallot's lunchtime set at Borders I didn't feel so bad for blowing out her gig at St George's Church in the evening (hopefully Kelly will write a few words about it on her blog next week as she was going). Instead I went to the Spiegeltent to watch Bic Runga, on tour to promote the release of her new album Birds. Introduced on stage by Chris Difford, she and her band played a straight 80 minute set of songs spanning all four of her albums, finishing with an encore of Captured and Ruby Nights. The 1930's Art Deco surroundings of the Gaieté tent perfectly suited Bic's lovelorn torch songs, and she admitted that this was the one date on the tour that she'd most been looking forward to. The band certainly seemed relaxed and in good spirits and Bic said they'd spent an enjoyable day cruising Brighton's pubs and trying mushy peas for the very first time!

Afterwards I met up for a pint with Graham and Alex and we hung around to meet Bic as she was happily chatting away and signing stuff for anyone that wanted. Being the sad fanboy well organised individual that I am, Bic spotted my silver pen (black CD covers...) and actually asked if she could buy it off me as she'd only got a black marker pen, so I got my CDs signed and then let her keep it. Whether she takes my advice and records her beautiful cover of Bowie's Wild Is The Wind remains to be seen...

Nerina Pallot at Borders, Churchill Square

Our local Borders store played host to Nerina Pallot this afternoon, which was a particular bonus for me as I'm having to miss her gig at St George's Church tonight. Nerina played a short acoustic set comprising of four tracks from her album Fires - All Good People, Sophie, Mr King and her current single Everybody's Gone To War. I didn't hang around for the signing afterwards as I had to dash back to work, but I'll hopefully catch up with her again at the Regents Park gig in September.

Fantasy Football Awards 2006

Congratulations to Darren and Jeff who triumphed in this season's Fantasy Football competition. Darren's British Pee Shower team narrowly beat off a late challenge from Bennett to win our overall Super League, and received his championship medal and £50 first prize. Jeff's Stewards United team won our inaugaral Fantasy Cup competition and is pictured here with his trophy.

Spare a thought for last year's winner Dom who finished a miserable 16th this season, although he still managed to beat me - I had a complete shocker and finished one point behind in 17th position.

With the World Cup fast approaching we've decided to take part in the Channel 4 World Cup Fantasy Football competition - and you can join us! If you want to join our Friends League - it's FREE to play - then simply click on the link here. Once you've registered your team, visit your team screen and click on the 'Friends League' button and insert our League PIN: 7422 into the 'Join League' box.

Sleeve notes

Since I've been plugging various mates recently I ought to give a shout out to Mike from Eat My Brains who's recently started working for Revolver. They've just released Kidulthood (left) on DVD this week and Mike was responsible for designing the sleeve which I reckon looks damn good, especially for such a low budget UK film.

Nice work Mike!

Now, if we could just get someone like Mike to sort out the DVD sleeves for Entertainment In Video... don't get me started on their shoddy artwork and packaging!!

First images from Severance

Pathé Films have just released the first batch of images from Christopher Smith's new horror flick Severance and they've just landed in my inbox via image.net so I thought I'd post them here. This is the film which my mate James wrote the script for and which I was lucky enough to see back in March. It's currently slated for a UK release on 25th August.

You can read my first impressions and movie haiku for the film here.

The shots by Nick Wall below feature the following Severance characters: Steve (Danny Dyer), Gordon (Andy Nyman), Maggie (Laura Harris), Billy (Babou Cessay), Jill (Claudie Blakley), Richard (Tim McInnerny), Harris (Toby Stephens), Olga (Juli Drajko) and Nadia (Judit Viktor).

Movie Haiku - Waiting...

www.waitingthefilm.com


Dir: Rob McKittrick


Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Anna Faris, Justin Long, Luis Guzman


Flash their genitals

drop steaks on floor then serve them

tries to ape Clerks, fails


soulmining rating: ***

Movie Haiku - The Da Vinci Code

www.thedavincicode.co.uk


Dir: Ron Howard


Cast: Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellan, Paul Bettany


Eh svoels lal het sceul

hes senddecs morf strichs doolb nile

tipy hes tanc cat


soulmining rating: **

Let me entertain you...

One of these girls on stage is a professional singer/entertainer. Can you guess which one?

My mate Justin sent me the above photo and caption this week and it really tickled me.

He's recently returned home after five months living in Northern Thailand and is now sorting through his 1,300 photographs... Many of his nature and scenic shots will be commercially available as cards, and he's set up a new gallery here where you can view all of his latest images.

Movie Haiku - When A Stranger Calls

www.sonypictures.com/movies


Dir: Simon West


Cast: Camilla Belle, Tommy Flanagan, Katie Cassidy, Lance Henriksen


He hides in posh house

keeps ringing babysitter

must have big phone bill


soulmining rating: **

Richard E. Grant at Brighton Festival

One of the first Brighton Festival events that I ever remember attending (long before I was involved with the festival) was back in 1997 when Richard E. Grant had just published With Nails. What I remember most is how nervous he was - he'd never done a literary discussion before and was convinced that no-one would turn up! Of course he was marvellous and the audience loved him. On Tuesday night he made a welcome return to the festival to talk about his latest book The Wah-Wah Diaries: The Making Of A Film at the Theatre Royal. Poor Kelly had to drop out at the last minute so Justin was delighted to take her place, and we met up with Polly - who had also gone with me to his earlier reading. The talk focused exclusively on the aforementioned Wah-Wah, Richard's directorial debut - and five year labour of love - a drama based on his childhood in Swaziland, interspersed with clips from the film (which opens in the UK on 2nd June). His quick witted banter continued in the Q&A with the audience, which covered many topics from Withnail & I right through to Doctor Who. Up in the bar afterwards he happily posed for photographs and signed stuff, which was particularly funny when he discovered a dedication already written in Polly's copy of By Design which he then proceeded to cross out in mock outrage. Quote of the night - "My eye sight might be going but my cock's still working fine!"

Infected & This Is The Day

Cotton was off work yesterday and texted Stevie B to say he was ill... with suspected glandular fever! Hey, don't look at me, I told him no tongues. I can't believe that someone who seemed perfectly healthy on Tuesday could suddenly be struck down with all those symptoms within a 24 hour period (I'd been feeling low for two weeks before it fully hit me), but hey, I'm not a doctor...

[ Updated - his doctor has said it's definitely not glandular fever... ]

Tonight sees the launch of this year's Big Brother. Now in its seventh year the question is will I be drawn under its evil spell once more? I'm kinda hoping I'll watch the launch show and hate all the new housemates on first sight... that's what happened to me with Celebrity Big Brother this year and I didn't miss watching that one bit. Now rumour has it that one of the housemates is going to be a tourette's sufferer called Pete from here in Brighton... although the fact that this has been leaked to the Brighton Festival Fringe office (and probably every other media outlet by now) surely blows the whole confidentiality issue and must scupper his chances of actually entering the house? Anyway, the whole circus begins tonight on Channel 4 and I'm sure will be annoying us all for the next 13 weeks...

Play It Cool in May

After recent posts bemoaning the lack of any decent new music this year I finally bought a brand new CD this month (Bic Runga's Birds)... two actually, although the new Snow Patrol album hasn't been delivered yet. Things look like they're starting to turn around at last, and with promising new releases out today from The Raconteurs and Feeder, and new albums to follow from Scritti Politti, The Upper Room and Nouvelle Vague in the coming weeks, hopefully there should be some good stuff to recommend this time next month. Anyway, here's what I've been listening to lately:

• Scritti Politti - Anomie & Bonhomie (Virgin)
• Bic Runga - Birds (Sony BMG)
• The Dissociatives - The Dissociatives (Eleven)
• The Beloved - Single File (East West)
• Sigur Ros - Takk (EMI)

Blood Sample

I finally got the results of my blood test this morning. Slightly less dramatic than the blood test scene in The Thing, my results simply revealed the presence of the Epstein Barr virus - so the good news is that I am not turning into The Thing, but the bad news is that I do indeed have glandular fever. Although I am feeling much better now. My doctor has advised me not to do too much strenuous exercise... yeah, like I did loads before I was ill.

At last, a day off... plus The Dresden Dolls at the Concorde

Yesterday was my first day off in ten days, my first day off since returning to work from suspected glandular fever... I say 'suspected' as I still haven't been given the results of my blood test. When I called the other day there was simply a message on their screen asking me to make a 'non-urgent' appointment with my doctor. Non-urgent or not, that suggests to me that they found something amiss... hmmmmm...

We received some other rather worrying news this week, in that our flat has suddenly been sold by our landlord... thankfully I spoke to our new landlord yesterday and he seems like a sound chap and reassured me that he was more than happy to keep with the same tenants (he's also bought the two flats above and below us) so it doesn't look like we're being kicked out onto the street just yet! Phew! What this does mean is that we now have to change letting agencies, and the murky practice of tenancy renewal fees has reared its ugly head once again. I've now discovered that Cambridge (our former agency) have deducted three lots of renewal fees from our deposit, when we had the understanding that we weren't going to be charged after our first tenancy renewal... typically the guy who told us this has now left the company, so it's our word against theirs. I hate tenancy renewal fees - £40 for updating their database and sending out a couple of letters? It's a f***ing disgraceful practice. My only hope is that we can work out a deal with Halls (our new agency) since their office is literally two doors down from where Steve and I both work.



Yesterday evening I met up with Andy and we checked out The Dresden Dolls at the Concorde. I was going on Courtney's recommendation but had never heard any of their music before, or really made much of an effort to read up on the band, aside from seeing them described as a mix of "punk, burlesque and cabaret"... with a name like The Dresden Dolls I kinda expected an all-girl troupe, but in fact they're actually just a duo with a female singer on piano and her fella on drums and occasional guitar. That was a bit of a surprise! Musically they were pretty interesting, starting with a solid half dozen songs including a cover of War Pigs and the sold out crowd were certainly voicing their approval - they really seem to have established a cult following over here. In the latter half of the show my attention started to wander a little, but this was mainly due to the sight of the cute merchandise girl who was stood on a chair wearing the shortest of short skirts... and who then proceeded to cup her breasts and compare them with her female colleague. Less entertaining were the loud mouthed drunks who seemed to surround us as the show went on and were really starting to piss me off by the end... grrrr! Anyway, all in all it was a good night out and it's probably just as well I didn't continue boozing afterwards as it's been a sh*tty day at work today.

Movie Haiku - Confetti

www.confettimovie.co.uk


Dir: Debbie Isitt


Cast: Martin Freeman, Jessica Stevenson, Stephen Mangan, Meredith MacNeill


Which themed wedding wins

musical, tennis or nude?

it's no great surprise


soulmining rating: ***

Movie Haiku - Mission: Impossible III

www.missionimpossible.com


Dir: J. J. Abrams


Cast: Tom Cruise, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ving Rhames, Michelle Monaghan


Now it's personal

action, travel and teamwork

just like Alias


soulmining rating: ****

Passing Sentence

I nicked this from Kumquat... I'm sure I've done this one before, but it's always good fun.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

Here's mine:

Maybe we're not as brainy-smart as Lord Byron and Mary Shelley, but we can tolerate some shit to make our story work.

Stories In Motion at Brighton Festival

Chuck Palahniuk spills his Guts...

...And watch the bodies hit the floor. Yes, Chuck chose to read the infamous Guts during last night's Stories In Motion performance. If you're not familiar with this extremely unpleasant short story then you can read it here but don't say that I didn't warn you... Apparently someone in the audience always faints when he reads Guts, but I'd often wondered if this was just good marketing hype, or if it genuinely happened? Now whether it was the explicit content of the story, the images of intestines which kept flashing up on the screens, the heat inside the venue, or a combination of all three... but fifteen people fainted during last night's reading. No joke - I saw two go down very close to me. One colleague out in the foyer described the scene "like a battlefield" as people were carried out and attended to. The fainting was just one part of the amazing Stories In Motion. I wondered if Chuck and Irvine (Welsh) would be trading paragraphs, making up a story as the event unfurled, but no, instead we were treated to a slightly more structured show in which Irvine read two more hilarious passages from The Bedroom Secrets Of The Master Chefs and Chuck read the aforementioned Guts and Hot Potting from Haunted - sat on small podiums at opposing ends of the auditorium. And all the while the authors read we had C6 mixing visuals on a series of screens hanging from the ceiling, and Longrange (Phil Hartnoll & Nick Smith) providing an assortment of ambient sounds which built into much louder dance tracks in the breaks between each story - and certainly got Irvine up and dancing! During Hot Potting they were accompanied by a live violinist and at the climax of the show Kelly Mallone joined in on vocals. This improvised mix of words, sound and vision could have been a disaster... but to me it was an unqualified success. Challenging, innovative performances like this are what the Brighton Festival should be all about.

Chuck Palahniuk & Irvine Welsh at Brighton Festival

This year's Brighton Festival kicked off yesterday and I was lucky enough to have the night off so went along to the Chuck Palahniuk and Irvine Welsh literary event. Both authors read for about thirty minutes each, Chuck selecting the tale Hot Potting from his latest novel Haunted (accompanied, rather fittingly, by hundreds of meat scented air fresheners), whilst Irvine chose to read three passages from his forthcoming novel The Bedroom Secrets Of The Master Chefs. They then discussed their writing experiences and influences, before an audience Q&A in which Chuck related some particularly dark humourous anecdotes. Afterwards both authors hung around to sign copies of their books and seemed very jovial, chatting about tomorrow's Stories In Motion event and then discussing The Brian Jonestown Massacre after Irvine spotted my t-shirt - he's seeing them play on Monday night apparently. I'll be back at the Corn Exchange again tonight to see what they come up with alongside DJs Phil Hartnoll & Nick Smith and C6.org for their improvised multi-media performance...

Lost & Found

I'm still waiting for the results of my blood test but am feeling much better so I returned to work today. To be honest it's quite a relief to have something to do after the last week spent (mainly) resting on the sofa watching DVDs!

Anyway, tonight sees the welcome return of Lost to our TV screens, with a triple bill of new episodes for those of us with E4. I've been trying to avoid all spoilers for the new season, but unfortunately stumbled across one major plot development a few months back... What makes me smile is that Channel 4 have made this revelation obvious to eagle-eyed viewers by featuring it in their recent advertising campaign! Still, despite numerous screenings, my flatmate hasn't spotted it yet...

Okay, the above photo is a pretty big clue, but hey, you'll all know this by tomorrow anyway... unless of course this comes in a later episode, in which case whoops, I'm sorry for ruining the surprise.

[ Updated 3rd May ]

Well, they did give it away in the preview for Episode 3 so my conscience is clear.

Btw, did anyone else notice the rather suspect ads that ran during last night's episodes? Further investigation revealed the following website... www.thehansofoundation.org

Movie Haiku - 16 Blocks

www.16blocks.co.uk


Dir: Richard Donner


Cast: Bruce Willis, Mos Def, David Morse, Jenna Stern


Drive witness downtown

bad cops want to shoot him dead

Mos Def bakes a cake


soulmining rating: ***

Movie Haiku - Slither

www.slithermovie.net


Dir: James Gunn


Cast: Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, Gregg Henry, Michael Rooker


Worms from outer space

don't let them get in your mouth

stay and cat gets it


soulmining rating: ****

May Live

There's loads happening in the city this month with the Brighton Festival (and Fringe) running from 6th - 28th May. We've also got a new music festival in the shape of The Great Escape, Barfly's answer to SXSW. Whatever you're into - live music, comedy, theatre, literature - there should be something for everyone. Here are my highlights for the month ahead:

03/05 - The talented members of The Libertines are back with their new band, Dirty Pretty Things, and play at the Concorde tonight.

04/05 - It's a double bill of comedy at Waterstones as Danny Wallace and Tony Hawks team up to promote their latest books. Danny will be reading from Yes Man, whilst Tony will be reading from his latest, A Piano In The Pyrenees.

06/05 - Another literary double header as the Brighton Festival kicks off with a rare opportunity to listen to Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club) and Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting) in conversation at the Corn Exchange.

07/05 - Following on from their talk yesterday, Chuck Palahniuk and Irvine Welsh return to the Corn Exchange for Stories In Motion, a multi-media happening with music from Phil Hartnoll (Orbital) and Nick Smith and visuals from various VJs.

08/05 - Brighton veterans The Levellers play a rare hometown gig at the Spiegeltent.

10/05 - Brighton hopefuls The Upper Room play at the Pressure Point to celebrate the launch of their great new single Black & White. Over at the Duke Of York's cinema there's a Q&A with Nick Broomfield following a screening of his latest documentary His Big White Self.

11/05 - After endless recommendations from Courtney I'm finally gonna check out The Dresden Dolls who will be performing their punk cabaret at the Concorde. Meanwhile Richard Herring is performing his excellent Someone Likes Yoghurt show at the Gardner Arts Centre - with any luck he might do his new routine about 'sky potatoes' too!

16/05 - Always an entertaining speaker, actor Richard E. Grant will be appearing at the Theatre Royal to talk about his career and his directorial debut, Wah-Wah.

18/05 - The Great Escape festival starts today - three nights, 15 venues, 150 bands, one wristband... but will you get in to see the bands that you want to see? Tonight's highlights include The Morning After Girls at the Concorde, The Feeling at the Komedia, The Bees at the Pressure Point, Tina Dico at Redroaster, The Like and The Upper Room both at the Spiegeltent, and probably best of all, British Sea Power and The Tenderfoot at the Zap Club.

19/05 - The Great Escape continues... tonight's highlights include Metric (another of Courtney's tips) at the Beach, The Pipettes at the Spiegeltent, Guillemots and Duels at the Komedia, and Richard Hawley at the Hanbury Ballroom.

20/05 - The final night of The Great Escape... tonight's highlights include The Futureheads and the amazing Serena Maneesh at the Beach, Kubb at the Komedia, The Kooks at the Spiegeltent, British Sea Power ( playing an acoustic set) at the Hanbury Ballroom, and Brakes at the Zap Club. Phew!

23/05 - Another gig at the Spiegeltent as Turin Brakes pitch up for a one-off performance.

26/05 - It doesn't seem long ago (that's bacasue it wasn't) that Hard-Fi were playing at the Concorde, but like James Blunt and the Kaiser Chiefs before them, they've moved up to the arena circuit within the space of twelve months, and now return for a date at the Brighton Centre.

27/05 - Fans of female singer/songwriters are spoilt for choice today. Bic Runga is playing at the Spiegeltent to promote her new album Birds, whilst Nerina Pallot is playing at St. Georges Church, Kemptown - she'll also be performing a short set in Borders, Churchill Square at 2pm.

28/05 - Nicolas Roeg, director of Performance, Don't Look Now and The Man Who Fell To Earth will be in conversation at the Duke Of York's cinema to discuss his life in movies.