Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Movie Haiku - XXX2: The Next Level

www.sonypictures.co.uk/movies/triplex2

Dir: Lee Tamahori

Cast: Ice Cube, Willem Dafoe, Scott Speedman, Samuel L. Jackson

It's Cube not Diesel
he must save the president
world's first tank-jacking


Sometimes I wonder why I keep subjecting myself to this sort of rubbish. Even the title doesn't inspire confidence - The Next Level? Is that the best they could come up with? (And why bother changing it from the US title of State Of The Union in the first place?) So, a sequel to XXX is probably as welcome as a dose of the clap, but here it is regardless. The good news? No Vin Diesel this time around. The bad news? We've got Ice Cube instead. Still, ditching Diesel from 2 Fast 2 Furious actually resulted in a half-decent sequel (in my opinion)... sadly this time around nothing can save XXX2. The plot, as if you really care, sees Gibbons (a returning Jackson) appointing a new XXX (Cube) to save the president from an assassination plot being led by rogue General Deckert (Dafoe). Lots of shootings, explosions, fancy cars, and thumping urban music follow. It's simply awful. This is action movie film-making at its worst. As if the story wasn't bad enough it's made even worse by some special effects (witness the high speed train / car chase) which look like they've come straight out of a computer game. The acting is appalling too; Cube seems to be reading his lines off an autocue whilst Dafoe may as well have phoned in his performance from the other side of the planet. And Samuel L. Jackson - well, the second-most overrated actor of the last decade has obviously just stopped reading his scripts altogether since the success of Pulp Fiction. Special mention must also be given to the typically large-breasted leading lady; check out the final on-screen kiss in glorious close-up and you'll notice she has a moustache to rival Ice Cube's own. The end of the movie threatens yet another XXX... please no, I can't take any more of this. Remember kids, I watch these movies so that you don't have to. Hey, at least Cursed was funny...

soulmining rating *

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