Happy Halloween

Take this as a warning - this is what happens when you eat too much candy whilst you're out trick or treating! (Thanks Bev)

For more amusing pumpkin photos, including the magnificent gunshot pumpkin-head, check out www.extremepumpkins.com

Have a happy halloween!

Horrifying Halloween

If you're looking for a treat this Halloween then look no further than the amazing new Phantasm DVD box set, released today by Anchor Bay.

I spent the weekend wading through all four films and the host of extras (check out my original post on the set here) and it doesn't disappoint - the documentary is a particular highlight, with a running time of over 90 minutes!

Eat My Brains have just posted reviews for the complete set, and I have contributed the reviews for the latter two installments.

Read my review for Phantasm III: Lord Of The Dead here.

Read my review for Phantasm IV: Oblivion here.

The Dandy Warhols at the Hammersmith Palais

Hey, I love The Dandy Warhols, they're one of my favourite bands on the planet. They always put on a good live show, and this latest one was no exception - a diverse mix of old and new songs, finishing with a cover of Hell's Bells after ninety minutes (no encore, apart from Zia staying behind to sing Daisy once again). Not so much banter with the crowd this time around, but a great show nonetheless.

This was actually the first time I've been to a gig at the Hammersmith Palais and I was really impressed with the layout, it's definitely one of the better venues in London. Support came from Norwegian noise-merchants Serena-Maneesh who impressed me enough to go and buy their self-titled CD straight after the show. They've had so many musicians work on their album I've no idea which members were actually playing on stage, but having listened to the CD a few times now, I think their music works better live - with shared male / female vocals, a tall willowy, chain-smoking bass player, and raucous guitar squalls which evoked the glory days of My Bloody Valentine and Curve. www.serena-maneesh.com

El Presidente at HMV, Oxford Street

Indie hopefuls El Presidente were doing an instore appearance at Oxford Street's HMV store when I wandered in there on Wednesday evening. They played four acoustic songs including current single Rocket. I can't say I was terribly impressed, but their Sinaporean drummer, Dawn, is cool.

Movie Haiku - Into The Blue

www.foxinternational.com/ww/into-the-blue


Dir: John Stockwell


Cast: Paul Walker, Jessica Alba, Scott Caan, Ashley Scott


They dive for treasure

she wears small tight bikini

a two hour wet dream


Jessica Alba in a bikini. That seems to be the principal selling point behind Into The Blue, an old-fashioned crime caper movie which conveniently happens to have a water-based setting, thereby ensuring that its principal cast wear as few clothes as are strictly necessary. Let's be fair, it's not just Jessica's toned figure on display here; the camera takes every opportunity to show off the equally-lovely curves of Ashley Scott, and for the ladies in the audience there's Paul Walker - who spends so much time bare-chested you have to question whether his wardrobe contains any shirts at all. If you're expecting a high-brow, intelligent film then you may as well stop reading now! It's a well-worn but effective plot: Jared (Walker) is a diver who dreams of finding a shipwreck with a long lost bounty of treasure. When out diving with his girlfriend Sam (Alba), lawyer brother Bryce (Caan) and his latest squeeze Amanda (Scott) they actually do stumble across an old wreck, but need to prove its identity before they can lay claim to their findings. At the same time they also uncover a crashed plane which is packed full of cocaine - what are the chances, eh? Jared insists they can't touch the drugs as someone's bound to be looking for them, but of course things get complicated when Bryce and Amanda decide to take matters into their own hands. Factor in the local law enforcement officer, a fellow dive operator (Josh Brolin, looking uncannily like 80's-era Kurt Russell), an English drug lord, and a number of killer sharks and you've got yourself a film. Into The Blue is certainly not breaking any new ground, but it's a well-crafted film which avoids too many of the usual cliches of the genre. Journeyman director Stockwell (who also directed the water-based Blue Crush) does his best work here, shooting many impressive underwater scenes, and relying on very few visual effects. What also helps is the fact that it's not primarily aimed at a young teenage audience - it's a 15 certificate in the UK - and there are one or two quite unpleasant shocks in store. I was also pleased to see Stockwell eschew the expected rock soundtrack in favour of a few carefully chosen upbeat pop songs and incidental music, a wise decision indeed. Admittedly the acting is poor, especially from Walker and Alba, but then one imagines they were employed as eye candy than for their acting abilities. That said, it really doesn't detract from the enjoyment of this shallow, fun piece of entertainment - this is pure escapism and it knows it. Hey, there's even a really glaring continuity error to amuse - just keep an eye on the lady walking behind Bryce as Jared meets him at the airport! And once all the loose ends have all been tied up at the close of the film you get to watch more footage of Jessica Alba in her bikini as the end credits roll. Without a doubt in my mind, Into The Blue is cinema's guiltiest pleasure in 2005.

soulmining rating: ****

Movie Haiku - Corpse Bride

www.corpsebridemovie.co.uk


Dir: Tim Burton


Voices: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Emily Watson, Tracey Ullman


Should marry nice girl

not dead girl with wonky eye

and talking maggot


A long hard day at work, followed by a mad dash to Crawley in the driving rain and only ten minutes to gobble down a quick takeaway is not the best preparation for seeing a movie. Ten minutes into Corpse Bride and I was sparked out. So don't expect a highly incisive review, I was drifitng in and out of sleep on this one - what a true professional I am sometimes! Corpse Bride is the story of Victor (Depp), a polite, considerate young chap who's due to marry Victoria (Watson), in an arrangement dictated by their parents. Thankfully the couple like one another instantly (which must have come as a huge relief), alas disaster strikes when Victor is alone in the woods practising his vows and he accidentally finds himself betrothed to the Corpse Bride (Bonham Carter) after mistaking her dead fingers for a twig, like you do... oh, and she was murdered by her ex-fiancee and now has a loose eyeball with a maggot living in its socket - yes, she's quite a gal. Despite his feelings for Victoria, his sense of duty compells him to go through with the wedding to his new dead lady friend, whilst meanwhile back in the land of the living Victoria's folks have now lined her up to marry the roly-poly rogue Barkis (Richard E. Grant) who just happens to bear an uncanny resemblence to the Corpse Bride's killer. Who ever said that the path of true love ran smooth? Tim Burton's previous animated feature was The Nightmare Before Christmas (actually directed by Henry Selick), a delightful dark fairytale that appealed to adults as much as it did children. Corpse Bride follows a similar template, but is not quite as slick as its predecessor. The main characters are all likeable - Burton makes you feel for both Victoria and the Corpse Bride, thereby illustrating Victor's tough predicament - and they're ably brought to life by some great vocal talent. Other characters are colourful and distinctive, with the skeletons making me laugh, especially the one who literally has a 'jaw-dropping' moment, but the talking maggot is tiresome and looks like he's crawled out of a whole other Disney film. Danny Elfman again provides the songs and music, but except for the wedding singalong towards the end they're not as witty or as memorable as in The Nightmare Before Christmas; they just don't integrate seamlessly into the plot so well this time. Corpse Bride then - worth dating, but just don't plan on getting hitched.

soulmining rating: ***

Unintentionally hilarious websites

Thanks to Stevie B who sent me these genuine website addresses. Just what were these people thinking when they registered the following domain names?

Firstly there is Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:
www.whorepresents.com

Second is the Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views:
www.expertsexchange.com

Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:
www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try:
www.therapistfinder.com

Finally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

Dome Rangers 0 - 3 Brighton Centre XI

The Dome Rangers played the Brighton Centre XI at Preston Park yesterday afternoon, keen to avenge their 3-1 defeat in March this year. With a slightly reshuffled starting eleven and a full quota of willing substitutes, Rangers started brightly with Mike Hovey and Williams - a late replacement for the sidelined Plucknett - combining well on the left to put Centre under pressure. It was Centre however who had the first attempt on goal after seven minutes, but Rangers responded immediately with a chance as Bollard went through on goal, only to be denied by a decisive tackle as he lined up his shot. Mike Hovey then had arguably Rangers' best chance of the half, blasting the ball just over the bar with the keeper beaten. Midway through the first half Centre stepped up a gear and really started to put the Rangers' defence under some concerted pressure, but they stood firm under the command of captain Marks, his lone voice incessantly barking out orders to his team-mates. With Stockman and Bollard replacing Rogers and Robinson up front Rangers seemed to have a greater purpose in front of goal and went back on the offensive, with some good support play from Acheampong. The match seemed headed for a goalless draw at half time until Cotton made a howler, tapping a harmless cross into his own net in the last minute of the half.

The late goal clearly dented Rangers' confidence and they went two goals behind immediately at the start of the second half after conceding a free kick on the edge of the area. The resultant shot bent around the wall and nestled comfortably in the left hand corner of the net. After a resilient first half defensive display which restricted Centre to mainly long shots on goal, the opposition were finally making inroads into Rangers' back four, and giving McAdam a torrid time with attack after attack down the left hand side. However, with Kirchin and McSorley now commanding the midfield, Rangers had their chances too, with Cotton crossing a ball to Stockman in the box which the goalie cleared, and then Acheampong and Stockman combining well to win a corner. In the 52nd minute Centre's keeper spilled a hopeful shot which fell nicely for Kirchen, who gladly ran onto the loose ball and stabbed it home - only for his goal to be controversially disallowed for offside by Centre's nominated linesman. The killer blow came in the 67th minute when Centre again broke into the box and shot past Lewis after a pass from the right. Rangers looked for a late consolation goal and came closest to scoring when Mike Hovey dinked a ball from the left to the far post which McSorley should have knocked into the back of the net. In the last fifteen minutes Rangers started to tire and Centre were only prevented from extending their lead further by some fine saves from Lewis. There was one final scoring opportunity for Rangers in the closing minutes as Stockman ran free into the penalty area, but Kirchen was unable to feed the ball to him. So it finished 3-0 to Centre at the final whistle which was another disappointing result for Rangers. Still, the team should take heart from their valiant performance, with the players keeping possession well and getting upfield a lot more than they did during the same fixture back in March. Maybe next time, eh lads?

Photo by Andy Parke

Dome Rangers Team:

• GKP Lewis
• DEF Williams (Jouandies H/T, Williams 51)
• DEF McSorley (McAdam 25, Bollard 80)
• DEF Cotton
• DEF Marks (Kirchen 35)
• MID Acheampong (Krawczyk 21, Marks H/T)
• MID A. Hovey (Jouanides 15, A. Hovey 29, McSorley H/T)
• MID Kirchen (Acheampong 31, M. Hovey 62)
• MID M. Hovey (Rogers H/T)
• STR Bollard (Robinson 10, Bollard 38, Krawczyk 65)
• STR Rogers (Stockman 29)

Corners: Dome 2 / Centre 1

Fouls: Dome 4 / Centre 1

Offside: Dome 1 / Centre 1

Shots on target: Dome 2 / Centre 12

Shots off target: Dome 1 / Centre 5

Bookings: Dome 0 / Centre 0

Referee: Mr J. Pearce

Linesman: Mr D. Plucknett

Man of the Match: M. Hovey

Notes from a Comedy Festival (Part 4)

Day 13 - Wednesday

There's a good buzz from colleagues about Dave Spikey's show last night. Wish I'd made the effort to go and see him now. Working on the two Pav shows - first Howard Read and then Alun Cochrane. Alun seems a really nice chap and I'm tempted to stick my head in and catch the end of his performance, but I chicken out - I hate walking into shows late. (Doesn't seem to bother our customers however...)

Day 14 - Thursday

I begin my campaign to fill seats for tomorrow night's performance by John Oliver & Andy Zaltzman which is currently struggling for ticket sales. I manage to get eight definites before the end of the working day; it's a good start. I work on Ardal O'Hanlon's show in the Dome. He annoys me as he's the only act in the festival to have a support (Lucy Porter) which means I finish half an hour later than anticipated and am therefore late in getting down to the Concorde to see Fozzy. On the plus side, I do get the chance to chat to Emiliana Torrini when she collects her tickets.

Day 15 - Friday

I have the night off. I'm tempted by Daniel Kitson hosting Best of the Fest but stick to my original plan and see John Oliver & Andy Zaltman in the Pav with a group of friends. We've managed to get the audience up to about 70 now, so it's not a complete disaster. It's a shame there's not more people though as John & Andy are a great double act and their political satire is very sharp. Their delivery is shambolic in places, but this only adds to the humour - especially when John leaves Andy floundering and takes a seat on the front row, refusing to help. In addition we get a talking mini-Tony Benn, John's embarassing charades, and an adventure game in which the audience play the role of England voyaging into the single European currency. After a quick pint it's round to the Corn Exchange to catch Stewart Lee who I haven't seen live since the days of Lee & Herring. Stewart's show is lean and assured, with the whole routine delivered in a very soft, measured tone. This is edgy humour as Stew takes on religion in reaction to the accusations of blasphemy that have come his way since he co-wrote and directed Jerry Springer - The Opera. "I vomited into the gaping anus of Christ," is a line that certainly won't appease his critics anytime soon. On a lighter note, he did pick up on the fact that our side of the audience was appreciating his jokes a little more than the other side, so ended up picking on them (as Team F) which he then incorporated into his material. Stew was in the pub after the show along with Danny Bhoy who my flatmate recommended after catching his Best of the Fest appearance. Apparently Kitson was heckled the moment he walked onstage, so his first words were, "I appear to have walked into a room full of c***s!" Priceless. We get slightly drunk and continue to drink back at the flat until nearly 4am.

Day 16 - Saturday

The final day! Feeling nice and hungover after last night's exploits. Jimmy Carr is doing two sold out shows in the Dome and wanders into the office during the afternoon looking slightly bewildered. I work on both of his shows and all goes smoothly, despite the quick turnaround - although we do have one twat from the press who walks off in a strop as he's not on the guest list. There is some drama outside the venue however, as a taxi clips a skateboarder, and the skateboarder retaliates by throwing his skateboard through the back window of the taxi - and is then beaten up by a bloke who comes running out of the pub opposite. The police are called and before you know it there's two police vans and four police cars blocking the road outside. In between Jimmy's shows I have enough time to nip into the Corn Exchange to catch Danny Bhoy. His banter about the difference between the Scots and the rest of the world is funny and refreshing after all the political humour this festival. When the curtain comes down on the last performance it's time to head round to the Pav for the end-of-festival party. More boozing required and a very pleasant way to close this year's most successful event. Right, they're showing some of the highlights on Paramount as I type this, so I'm off to watch that now...

Fozzy at the Concorde

Hmmm... Fozzy then, the brainchild of former WWE wrestling superstar Chris Jericho, a metal outfit who started out as a wacky Ozzy Osbourne covers band. Their music, a mixture of sub-Metallica / Guns 'N' Roses slop is really nothing to get excited about. To be fair, the individual musicians are technically brilliant - as demonstrated on numerous solos - but the band badly need some decent tunes. However, what they do have is charisma, and both Jericho and guitarist Duke had the audience totally under their spell. It could have been a disaster - there was only a tiny number of people in the venue - but fair play to them, the ones who had bothered to turn up were certainly up for it, cheering and chanting enthusiastically throughout. Jericho invited a couple of young lads and ladies to join the band onstage for the encore, which then turned into a proper full-on stage invasion during the final song. Absolutely chaotic and hilarious scenes ensued!

Movie Haiku - Wallace & Gromit In The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit

www.uk.yahoo.com/wallaceandgromit


Dir: Nick Park & Steve Box


Voices: Peter Sallis, Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter, Peter Kay


What's eating the veg?

see this film quickly before

it goes up in flames


It's been a long time coming but the wait is finally over - the first Wallace & Gromit movie is here. The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit sees our trusty pairing of northern inventor Wallace (Sallis) and his faithful dog Gromit protecting the neighbourhood's crop of vegetables from rabbits - or other unseen predators - ahead of the town's giant vegetable competition, organised by Lady Tottington (Bonham Carter) who Wallace secretly has an eye for. Wallace is called to clear her lawn of rabbits using his latest contraption and then attempts to condition the rabbits so that they won't want to eat vegetables again, using himself as a test subject to influence them. Naturally there are unforeseen side effects... After the duo's previous Oscar winning short features there's something reassuring about seeing these popular British creations being given their own movie alongside the Hollywood giants of Pixar and Dreamworks, and Japan's Studio Ghibli. The animation of course is faultless and the Aardman team manage to evoke such a range of expressions on their characters' faces, especially the ever-silent Gromit. Sallis' voice is now synonymous with the character of Wallace - you really can't imagine anyone else taking on the role - and here he's aided by Bonham Carter, Fiennes (as love rival Victor Quartermaine) and Kay who all lend their vocal talents to the film. What slightly disappoints is the story itself which is a little too lightweight to stretch to a full length feature. Maybe I was just tired, but after thirty minutes I found my attention wandering and it never really drew me back in after that point. Sure, it's all good fun - and the younger members of the audience certainly lapped it up - but I just found it all a bit too familiar and lacking in any real invention - which is a shame considering Wallace's pedigree.

soulmining rating: ***

Movie Haiku - Serenity

www.serenity-themovie.com


Dir: Joss Whedon


Cast: Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Alan Tudyk, Summer Glau


She knows their secrets

one word will make her kick ass

or she'll fall asleep


Now that the Star Wars saga has finally come to a close, sci-fi buffs need a new franchise to focus their attention on. Serenity could provide the answer. Rising from the ashes of the ill-fated television series Firefly, a victim of poor scheduling and uncertain marketing, fan pressure somehow persuaded Universal to stump up the $40 million required for creator Joss Whedon (Buffy) to give his project a second chance to succeed, this time on the big screen. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen the series as the movie quickly roams the spacecraft Serenity to introduce us to its crew: Mal (Fillion), the wisecracking captain; Zoe (Torres), his no-nonsense partner from the war against the Alliance; Wash (Tudyk), pilot and Zoe’s husband; Jayne (Adam Baldwin), a tough guy with questionable morals; Kaylee (KT Tunstall… no, sorry, Jewel Staite) the mechanic who likes..; Simon (Sean Maher), a doctor who joined the crew in the first episode of Firefly, along with..; River (Glau), his younger sister who he rescued from the Alliance who were performing some secret experiments on her. Absent faces are Inara (Morena Baccarin), ‘companion’ (aka posh whore) and Shepherd Book, the preacher, who’ve both left the ship to settle on other planets – but don’t worry, they both turn up later in the film. The best thing about this sprawling cast of characters is that every one of them is clearly defined, each with their own distinct role and personality. Serenity shifts the focus onto the character of River, and we learn more about her abilities as a mind-reader and body-weapon, and why the Alliance want to capture her to protect their dark secrets. To these ends they’ve entrusted a mysterious operative (Chiwetel Ejiofor) with the job of tracking her down and bringing her back. Throw in a few space-cannibals (the dreaded Reavers) for good measure, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for an old-fashioned space romp. For fans of the series it’s a continuation of everything that was great about those original episodes - notably great writing, good acting and a healthy dose of humour. For newcomers it's a delight, a real breath of fresh air. It's not an overly geeky sci-fi tale, Serenity feels more like a western which just happens to be set in space, and for that reason it should have a far broader appeal. Whedon grabs his big screen opportunity firmly with both hands - as do the cast - and delivers the goods, a job well done which has led him on to direct Mission Impossible 3 next. This is the film that will make Nathan Fillion a major star, a modern-day Harrison Ford, and bodes well for his forthcoming Night Of The Creeps rip-off, Slither. But to be honest everyone performs well here, there's no weak link, and this bodes well for the future - if there is to be one for Serenity. I for one, certainly hope that this is just the first of many films involving these engaging characters.

soulmining rating: ****

Snow Comment

A quick shout out to my good buddy Justin, graphic artist and the 'gingerbloke' behind J.L.Hill's Cornucopia, who has just been interviewed for Zazzle.com

You can read all about the creator of the Snowman's Land images here.

(And don't forget to visit his website where you can order these original cards in time for Christmas!)

Notes from a Comedy Festival (Part 3)

Day 9 – Saturday

The long hours, late nights and lack of sleep are beginning to take their toll. I’m feeling knackered and rundown, and have a sore throat that just won’t budge. Bird flu is slowly spreading around the office (aka ‘man’ flu) and we’re all trying to avoid it. Tonight is ‘Burns night’ around the venue as we’ve got Brendon Burns and Jason Byrne doing shows in the Pav and Ed Byrne performing in the Corn Exchange. Confusing, huh? I’m on Pav duty; all goes smoothly. Amazingly I don’t have one punter who’s booked the wrong show by mistake. Jack Dee is confirmed as the special guest for I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue on Tuesday.

Day 10 – Sunday

I work on the afternoon show at the Dome from Paul Merton and his improvisation chums. As I walk through the stage door a middle-aged lady and her daughter are busy presenting Paul with a freshly baked cake. In the evening I’m back at the Dome again to work on Ross Noble’s final festival performance. We have a couple of punters who turn up with tickets for the previous night, one of whom is a suitably embarrassed Tim Booth. Thankfully it’s not a complete sell out, so we’re able to sort them out and they get in to see the show okay.

Day 11 – Monday

A very quiet day; just Topping & Butch and Daniel Kitson with shows in the Pav tonight.

Day 12 – Tuesday

There’s a good choice of shows tonight with I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue being recorded in the Dome, and Omid Djalili and Dave Spikey performing in the Corn Exchange. But it’s my day off, so no comedy for me today – unless you count Brighton winning away at Crystal Palace in the football that is. (Sorry Darren)

Doctor Who spin-off series (anag.)

Yup, that's right. BBC Three are gonna be making Torchwood, a spin-off series from Doctor Who. Interesting. Rather worryingly, however, is the news that it will feature Captain Jack, surely the most annoying, smarmy character to feature in the recent series.

"Torchwood will be a dark, clever, wild, sexy, British crime/sci-fi paranoid thriller cop show with a sense of humour - the X Files meets This Life," says Russell T Davies. "It's a renegade bunch of investigators charged by the British government to find alien technology that has fallen to Earth," BBC Three controller Stuart Murphy told The Independent. The show will be set in Cardiff, and will be 13 45-minute episodes, transmitting between series of Doctor Who. Confirmed writers include Sapphire and Steel creator PJ Hammond.

You can read the full BBC press release here.

Yesterday I happened to watch the 20th anniversary episode of Neighbours as I was at home. It's the first time I've watched it since 1988. Harold Bishop is the only character who's remained with the programme as far as I could tell, although I noticed that Paul Robinson (Stefan Dennis) has returned - minus a leg it seems (although I'm still in the dark as to how that happened). Anyway, the fun thing about this particular episode was that it showed what some of the former Ramsay Street residents are doing now (via a rather pathetic video documentary), although to be honest I only recognised Plain Jane, Melanie and Gaby from my days as a viewer. Still, the highlight for me was witnessing the return of the great Joe Mangel (Mark Little, adopted son of Brighton & Hove) to Erinsborough, although I assume he's just turned up for that one solitary episode. No sign of Bouncer mind, which was frankly disappointing...

Movie Haiku - Domino

www.dominomovie.com


Dir: Tony Scott


Cast: Keira Knightley, Mickey Rourke, Edgar Ramirez, Delroy Lindo


Posh bounty hunter

all goes wrong when goldfish dies

removes the right arm


Whether you like Domino or not is largely going to depend on whether you like Tony Scott’s style of filmmaking. After recent successes with Spy Game and Man On Fire this is Scott amped up to 11, a non-stop thrill ride of saturated colours, jump cuts, and slow-motion; he uses every camera trick in the book to brush stroke his latest action-adventure. This is the story of Domino Harvey (Knightley), a posh English girl and former model who moved to LA with her mother (Jacqueline Bisset) after her father (the actor Laurence Harvey) passed away. Rebelling against the sorority system she drops out of college, spots an ad in the paper for aspiring bounty hunters and enrols for a seminar organised by bail bond expert (Lindo). It’s all a scam, but she does manage to grab the attention of the notorious Ed (Rourke) and his accomplice Choco (Ramirez, in his first major screen role) and persuades them to give her a job. What’s interesting about Domino is that it’s based on a real person, although ‘inspired by’ is probably a fairer term as Richard (Donnie Darko) Kelly’s script takes the character and her cohorts and then weaves an improbable plot around them involving a sick child, a gang of masked robbers dubbed The First Ladies, mafia kids, a casino boss and the production team of a reality television show (headed by Christopher Walken). The story is told in cut and paste fashion, starting at the end with Domino being interviewed by an FBI agent (Lucy Liu) and then jumping backwards and forwards in time as her story slowly unravels. What starts out as a rather quirky biopic soon spirals into the realms of fantasy as various larger than life characters enter the fray and the convoluted plot, with its numerous twists, heads towards an explosive climax atop of the Stratosphere tower – a scene which echoes Scott’s earlier work in True Romance. It’s certainly a wild ride, in turns sexy and violent, and with a cynical streak of humour throughout, but it’s not without flaws; for a start the film is a little too flabby and overlong, and certain scenes feel forced (the mescalin-induced encounter with Tom Waits) or simply unnecessary (the whole Jerry Springer episode) even if they do add more colour to the already saturated palette. Keira Knightley is okay but never quite convinces that there’s a tough-as-nails persona hiding behind her Southern counties accent. And that scene with the two machine guns is just silly. The supporting cast are generally good with Mickey Rourke again impressing – he really looks like he could be the real Ed Mosbey - and it’s a shame therefore that his character takes a back seat in the latter stages, allowing Domino to dominate the action. The film rightly acknowledges the real Domino Harvey – who was found dead in her bathtub earlier this Summer – in the closing credits, but after two hours of this film you’re left little clearer of the real facts about her life. Nevertheless, from the funky opening titles right through to the ‘first name only’ cast of characters at the end this is undoubtedly a guilty pleasure, a hugely enjoyable piece of trash – well, as long as you’re a fan of Tony Scott’s style that is!

soulmining rating: ****

Movie Haiku - Lord Of War

www.lordofwarthemovie.com


Dir: Andrew Nicol


Cast: Nicolas Cage, Jared Leto, Bridget Moynahan, Ethan Hawke


He'll sell you some guns

or he could bore you to death

with his voiceover


Lord Of War starts with an ingenious set of opening credits which follow the journey of a bullet right through from creation to embedding itself into some poor soldier’s cranium. It’s rather a shame that the CGI is all too obvious, but full marks for effort. Sadly this is the most inventive bit of the whole movie. We’re then introduced to our main protagonist, Yuri Orlov (Cage) who makes a living as an arms dealer, always keeping one step ahead of the law, in the shape of agent Jack Valentine (Hawke). His trophy wife (Moynahan) and family lead the good life, oblivious to the reality of where their wealth is coming from. Only brother Vitali (Leto) knows the truth, reluctantly accompanying Yuri on some of his business trips until his conscience finally gets the better of him and forces him to make a stand. Based on ‘actual events’ this portrait of the life of an independent arms trader is an interesting concept with a contemporary resonance, but unfortunately it’s completely lacking in any story dynamic. Instead we just watch Yuri travelling the globe brokering deal after deal, with his soporific narration detailing every move. A series of increasingly tense trades with a Monrovian warlord – where he’s forced to eliminate his competition (Ian Holm in a brief cameo) and his fidelity is tested to the limit – lift the gloom, but for the most part this is a stupefying test of patience. Nicolas Cage, normally charismatic, is strangely miscast here delivering a lifeless performance. It isn’t helped that by his very nature, the character of Yuri is hardly sympathetic for the audience to warm to, so there’s little emotional investment in the proceedings. This is Lord Of War’s biggest inherent problem. Had the filmmakers perhaps followed the example of say Heat, and fleshed out the character of Valentine making it more of a two-handed cat-and-mouse game then it might have improved things. As it is, Hawke is sorely under-used and his role under-developed. It’s certainly a film with something to say but sadly does it in a very dull manner – less Lord Of War, more Lord Of Bore.

soulmining rating: **

Sunshine (on a rainy day)

Sunshine is the working title of the new Danny Boyle film which has just begun shooting. I've added a link to Gia Milinovich's official blog which is following the making of the film.

This is what the website has to say about the film:

"The Sun is dying, and mankind is dying with it. Our last hope: a spaceship and a crew of eight men and women. They carry a device which will breathe new life into the star. But deep into their voyage, out of radio contact with Earth, their mission is starting to unravel. Soon the crew are fighting not only for their lives, but their sanity."

(Shhhhhh! No-one mention Event Horizon...)

The film once again pairs director Danny Boyle with writer Alex Garland and producer Andrew Macdonald, who previously teamed up for the thinking person’s zombie film, 28 Days Later. The cast is led by Rose Byrne, Cliff Curtis, Chris Evans, Troy Garity, Cillian Murphy, Hiroyuki Sanada, Benedict Wong and Michelle Yeoh.

In other blog news, I've recently added a link to comedian Richard Herring's Warming Up blog after seeing his stand up show last week. I'm also fully aware that a number of my other links are now out of date, so will be removing them shortly if no new updates appear in the next few days. And finally, my sincere condolences go out to Animal Family who lost Maneki Neko last week after a sudden illness. RIP Maneki.

Notes from a Comedy Festival (Part 2)

Day 5 - Tuesday

Tim Booth (ex-James singer) calls in with a letter for Daniel Kitson - he was in the audience last night. I work on the two Pav shows in the evening, Phil Nicol then Kitson - who spends the first part of his act recounting his 'toilet break' from the night before.

Day 6 - Wednesday

I go to see Will Smith's Misplaced Childhood show at the Pav. Will is a big fan of Marillion and Fish, who he manages to meet in a series of hilarious video segments. He also talks about growing up in Jersey, the 'cool' factor of being the keyboard player in a band, always being prepared for inclement weather, and his simmering resentment of being given detention for not bringing both games kits to his PE lesson. What I like about 'Brolly Boy' is that you know that he's not making this stuff up. Meanwhile Adam Hills is no longer hosting next Friday's Best of the Fest event - Daniel Kitson has agreed to compere, with Danny Bhoy, Boothby Graffoe, Mark Watson and (shhhhh!) Stewart Lee making up the rest of the bill.

Day 7 - Thursday

'Missing' posters start appearing around the town (see above). Basically if you find a comedy seagull then you can get a couple of free tickets for Best of the Fest next week. I go and see Richard Herring at the Pav. His show Someone Likes Yoghurt centres around his alleged yoghurt fetish (nine yoghurts in one shopping basket, the evidence is clear to see...) but he also does some good material on Rudyard Kipling, magpies, catholicism and a particularly funny bit where he ponders what it would be like if all our sperm came out in one ejaculation - as a trout. He says he'll join us in the pub afterwards but blows us out and goes to the other pub instead. Also not in the pub is Dylan Moran, which is a shame as I wanted to remind him that my mate Mike played his legs in Shaun Of The Dead. My friend Nicki unwittingly heckled him during his show at Dome, a particularly impressive feat as she was sat up in the circle and just making a comment to her friend at the time. She was rather drunk though, which probably explains it. Her friend later propositions me in the pub which is kinda exciting... but she's in such a state that I just can't bring myself to take advantage of her drunken vulnerability. (Am I an idiot or a moral guardian? You decide.) Note to potential suitors - if you're going to proposition me then I'd prefer that you be able to: a) stand up without assistance; b) focus properly; and c) use whole sentences, not just a collection of random words. Is that really too much to ask for?

Day 8 - Friday

I work on the Best of the Fest show in the Dome. Richard Herring says hello to me. Work on Jeremy Lion's show at the Pav, then catch the second half of the Best of the Fest show. Richard Herring doesn't repeat any of his material from his solo show, instead preferring to talk about the issue of under-age drink-driving. Andrew Maxwell does some good political material, especially on the UK's reaction to terrorism. His bit about taking cheap flights to Baghdad for the 'winter sun' is spot on. Host Jason Byrne has clearly won the audience over during the evening and finishes the show by dragging the two glamourous lesbians from the audience on stage to kiss - to a standing ovation. We take advantage of the free bar at the post-show reception afterwards. Darren and Rowena turn up with Noel Fielding and his folks in tow (Row was at college with Noel). Earlier in the evening my friend John had walked in late at Noel's show in the Corn Exchange. "I'm unfashionably late," said John when challenged. "You're unfashionable full stop in that outfit," replied Noel. John is very drunk and his girlfriend falls over.

Play It Cool in October

I haven't really had a lot of free time to listen to music this month. What CDs I have been playing seem closely related to the gigs I've been to in the last few weeks, as is often the way. Still, there's a Record Fair at Brighton Centre tomorrow so an ideal opportunity to stock up on some cheap new releases!

Anyway, here's my top five CDs for this month:

• Louis XIV - The Best Little Secrets Are Kept (Atlantic)
• Goldfrapp - Live: 3rd October 2005: Brighton Dome (Mute)
• Foo Fighters - In Your Honour (RCA)
• Emiliana Torrini - Love In The Time Of Science (One Little Indian)
• Elbow - Leaders Of The Free World (V2)
  

My name is Craig... Daniel Craig!

Congratulations to Daniel Craig who today has finally been named as the new James Bond. His first appearance as 007 will be in Casino Royale, due for release in 2006.

Okay, so it's hardly a huge surprise (we were speculating on Craig landing the job about six months ago), but I think the producers have made the right decision. I've been a fan of his ever since Our Friends In The North, and he's always given strong performances on the big screen in the likes of Road To Perdition, Layer Cake and Enduring Love.

Firefly delays Serenity

Well, I was supposed to be seeing Serenity at the cinema today...

That was until Troy called in to the office to lend me his DVD box set of Firefly, the television series which spawned the movie. Having watched the first four episodes last night there's just no way I can go and see the film without first finishing off the other ten episodes. So, no surprises as to what I'm doing at home today on my day off then...

My Serenity review will therefore be delayed until the middle of next week. Apologies.

Notes from a Comedy Festival (Part 1)

Day 1 - Friday

I check out the first performance of this year's festival - Jerry Sadowitz's close-up magic show in the Pav. It's better than his stand-up show because you get his vulgar comedy thrown in for free anyway. Yes, he is offensive... but it's all an act. He's a quiet, lovable chap really. "I wish Kate Moss would snort a line of cocaine, give Pete Doherty a blow-job... and die of AIDS." Nice. Bill Bailey starts his run of three sold out nights at the Dome. Early word is that there's little new material, it's largely the same Part Troll show from last year. Whoops, hope there won't be too many complaints.

Day 2 - Saturday

Rhod Gilbert comes in to complain that there's no posters up advertising his show. Have we been sent any? No. Alan Carr turns up and promptly locks himself out of the venue. I work on Alan's show and then Tim Vine's at the Corn Exchange. One couple walk out at the start claiming they had to take an important phonecall. We reckon they're having an illicit affair and have just spotted someone they know in the audience - they can't be seen together so they have to leave.

Day 3 - Sunday

The staff arrive for the 2pm Bill Bailey show. What do you mean there is no 2pm show? Whoops. Someone asks me if we've tickets for the "bald guy with long hair". He means Bill Bailey. I work on John Hegley's show at the Corn Exchange where I'm amused to discover the reviewer from Chortle shares the same name as my flatmate. Speaking of whom, he sees Alan Carr's show and gives it a glowing review - "proper belly laughs". The pirate and his friends make a formal complaint at Russell Brand's show. Apparently the beer is too expensive and the drinks are served in plastic glasses. "The Argus will have to hear about this - and that's not a threat, it's a promise!" she says. She's also a freelance journo - yeah, and...what's your point exactly?

Day 4 - Monday

I see Daniel Kitson in the Pav. I've lost count of how many times I've seen him now but he's still head and shoulders above the rest. His new show is whimsical and heartwarming, laced with his trademark pomposity and hilarious asides. "Can you hear me at the back?" he asks. "Yes, but I'm going to swap places with someone who can't," comes back the third-hand retort from an elderly gent sat at the front. Dan brings a water cooler onto the stage to combat the heat. As the show progresses it's clear his large meal at Wagamama's is causing him some discomfort. Let's just say I've never seen a comedian who's had to break his routine to dash off to take a shit before. Such a professional. And somewhat ironic considering he was contemplating what might happen if you're stuck on an airplane as it takes off and you desperately need a poo. In the pub afterwards I finally get Rebecca to confirm the line up for the Best of the Fest on Friday night - it's gonna be Andrew Maxwell, Noel Fielding, Richard Herring and Andy Zaltzman, hosted by Jason Byrne.

Beard in a Bag

eBay strikes again...

What's scarier:

That a bloke is attempting to sell his beard-in-a-bag on eBay?

Or;

That I know a bloke who is attempting to sell his beard-in-a-bag on eBay?

To view - or bid - on this unique item, click here!

Pinkey The Cat

Poor Pinkey is up for adoption. After watching this video clip you'll probably understand why... Now, mind your plums!

Click here to see Pinkey The Cat courtesy of Yahoo.

FLC 2006 - 1st Round Draw

Yesterday evening saw the 1st Round Draw of our inaugural Fantasy League Cup competition in which my Feed The Pony team will be taking part. A spin off from our Fantasy Football game, this will see 27 teams competing in a series of knockout rounds to determine the winner of our coveted cup! Last night's draw took place at Fantasy League HQ (aka the Waggon) and was conducted by an impartial panel of Vic, Lucy and Jim.

The top five seeded teams which automatically get a bye into the 2nd Round are Kartoffelkopf, Feed The Pony, Globetrotters FC, Fade And Die and British Pee Shower.

The 1st Round Draw is as follows (league placings in brackets):

APH FC (21) v Isplim Chumps Utd (19)
Arise Captain (22) v Into The Valley (9)
Carden Dribblers (16) v Zebra Charlies's XI (13)
Counting Aerosols (14) v Reedy Rovers (18)
The Cuban Missiles (24) v Prescott's Best Mate (23)
Graham's Blues (7) v Pathetico Madrid (17)
Parkies Choice (27) v Brighton Alexandra (15)
Screaming Eagles (6) v Fighting Irish (20)
Sleepless Nights (26) v Saga Recruit (8)
Up & Coming FC (25) v Shock & Oar (10)
Wingco's Chaps (12) v Stewards United (11)

Ties to be played between 10 - 16 January 2006.

Radio Soulwax at the Event

Another Excuse from Soulwax

Radio Soulwax presents... top blagging. Cloaks. Cheap pints. Chicken breasts. Freshers, lots of them. Barry Sheene. Headman. The jolly green giant. "This isn't music." Dave likes parties. "You don't dance like that in Brighton!" Man in a white shirt = twat. Vitalic. Ooh, cool Franz Ferdinand mix. Soulwax, Nite Versions live. Hot and sweaty. Compute. Laser beams. Smoke belches. "It's not me it's the E talking." Another Excuse. I need a shower. More Vitalic. Dare. Why did I sell my LCD Soundsystem CD? Air vents. 2 Many DJs. Night mode. Dancing girls, man in a Japanese wrestling mask. Voulez-vous. Lady in sparkly top. Teenage Kicks. Lesbians, kissing. Aphex Twin. Whoo-hoo, Song 2. Prodigy. Police vans. Ears ringing. Sleep, more sleep... shit, I'm late for work.

Emiliana Torrini at the Concorde

It's forty-five minutes to showtime and Emiliana Torrini is feeling nervous. "It always makes me ill," she confides, "Sometimes I'm physically sick before I go on stage." The thought of playing London's Shepherds Bush Empire later this month already terrifies her, with two weeks still to go. "It's too big!" she exclaims. I assure her she'll be fine and tell her how much I enjoyed her show at the Komedia back in April. "Did you know that I cried to myself after that show?" she says, as the truth dawns on me that Emiliana is clearly her own biggest critic. (The gig had been faultless - you could have heard a pin drop in the hall). She shouldn't worry so much. After support from the Icelandic contingent of Adem - the missing link between Good Morning Captain and Coldplay (!) - and Nix Noltes (hey, I'm keeping quiet, I don't want to go to "music jail"), she takes to the stage and launches into Today Has Been Okay, my favourite track off her current album. It's a little weird in the Concorde, half the audience are sat on the floor, the remainder standing politely around them - I perch myself atop the windowsill by the side of the stage. "If people start talking I'll tell them to shut the f*** up," she'd said to me earlier. Thankfully the atmosphere is quiet and respectful, allowing Emiliana's quiet songs to fill the room. It's all very lovely, and of course there's the added bonus of her amusing ad-libs and anecdotes in between songs. Emiliana loves Brighton, her newly adopted home, and Brighton should love her too - she really is "several drops of frosty wonderful" as my American buddy Sean would say.

Movie Haiku - Four Brothers

www.fourbrothersmovie.com


Dir: John Singleton


Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Tyrese Gibson, Andre Benjamin, Garrett Hedlund


She raised four bad lads

oh my god they killed mommy

fisticuffs on ice


They always say that things come in threes, so after witnessing Andre Benjamin's previous forays into Hollywood with Be Cool and Revolver, two of the biggest turkeys this side of Christmas, you'll appreciate the trepidation with which I approached his third film this year. Four Brothers begins with the shooting of a kind old lady during a robbery at a convenience store. Turns out that said old lady was a bit of a goody-two-shoes around Detroit and looked after wayward kids, bringing up four of the worst cases as her own children. Reunited by their grief, the four brothers - hot-headed Bobby (Wahlberg), womaniser Angel (Gibson), father figure Jeremiah (Benjamin) and young rock dude Jack (Hedlund) - move back into Mom's house, along with Angel's feisty Spanish girlfriend. The cops aren't getting very far with their investigations, so the brothers take matters into their own hands and quickly uncover a tangled web of shady business dealings, hired shooters and crooked cops which Jeremiah seems to know a lot more about than he's letting on. The relationship between the brothers is probably the strongest thing going for the film; their banter is always sharp and the changing dynamic between the four keeps the audience engaged. That being said, Wahlberg is awful here, leaden and out of shape - Rowdy Roddy Piper could do a more convincing job - and after having had a couple of early box office hits surely he's headed straight towards DTV hell for the rest of his career. Despite my initial misgivings Benjamin is actually one of the better actors on view here, lending a bit of authority and nous to the part of the older, wiser Jeremiah. Best of all is Chiwetel Ejiofor as kingpin Victor Sweet, embodying the kind of role Laurence Fishburne used to play with relish many years ago. As the brothers wage their own personal battle against Victor and his lackeys, director Singleton loosens his grip on reality somewhat. There's car chases and shoot-outs in suburban Detroit, yet there's not a soul to witness them - apparently because it's snowy weather. Things get even more stupid as the film nears its climax, with Angel's foolhardy plan to expose the dirty cop (why does the bad guy never just shoot the good guy in the head when he has the chance, eh?), and best of all, the final confrontation out on this vast expanse of ice where Bobby just appears out of nowhere - like, err, was he hiding behind a snowman or what? It's a flat snowscape as far as the eye can see, so where the hell did he come from? Add to that one or two inappropriate bits of comedy - the police interrogation scenes, and the portrayal of Angel's girlfriend - which just feel clumsy and awkward; but I suppose without any levity Four Brothers would be an incredibly self-important, po-faced piece of film making. Still, it's mildly diverting and there's a nice David Arnold score to enjoy - and hey, at least we got some proper end credits this week, although having said that, these end credits do contain some of the most incongruous deleted scenes I've ever seen! I ought to conclude with an acknowledgement to Andre, as he did manage to avoid the triple-whammy of movie abominations - just by the skin of his excessively large teeth.

soulmining rating: **

Goldfrapp at the Dome

Hey, I've just got back from the Goldfrapp gig, and what a good gig it was! Just like Heather on Friday night, it was another perfect mix of songs and visuals. Starting with Utopia and ending with Black Cherry, the band crammed in a healthy selection of tunes from all three of their albums to date. Whilst lacking much in the way of banter with the crowd, Alison Goldfrapp still commands attention and reminded us of early Kate Bush with her flamboyant performance and soaring vocals. Stand out tracks for me were Strict Machine and Ride A White Horse, the latter accompanied by a couple of dancers wearing sparkly horses heads! The four dancers also appeared during other songs dressed in only their underwear, or in one-piece futuristic body suits, all very seventies Top Of The Pops I thought. Within fifteen minutes of the concert's finish the live recording was available to buy on double CD in the foyer - a pretty cool idea, despite the rather steep asking price (£20). If you missed out and fancy buying or downloading a copy, then it's available at www.liveherenow.co.uk

Blog of the Month!

Very many thanks to the Source magazine, Brighton's best monthly listings guide, who've selected Feed The Pony as their 'Blog of the Month' for the current October issue.

Hello to all the readers who have dropped by to exercise their curiosity, you are all very welcome here. Please feel free to have a browse and post some comments!

One last note - my reviews of Goal! and Revolver have finally been posted. I think I've just about recovered from the latter now...

Heather Nova at Shepherds Bush Empire

You can't dispute the fact that Heather Nova has a distinctive voice. The way she sustains the high notes during Island, well, it makes my spine tingle. It's no wonder her 1998 album was called Siren; I can picture her sitting alone on a shore, her haunting voice entrancing sailors, enticing their vessels onto the perilous rocks. (No, not the sound of an ambulance careering along North Street!) This was the sixth time I've seen her live and within the first couple of songs I knew it was going to be a special night. After her rather lacklustre acoustic tour to support her last album Storm, it was a welcome return for her full band, who added a powerful backing to her soaring vocals. There was also a surprise guest, with Heather's former cellist (Naomi) joining her onstage for a few old favourites. Everything about this gig was spot on - the voice, the band, the clarity of the sound, the lighting, and even the enthusiastic audience who were clearly enjoying the night every bit as much as I was. I have a confession to make; her rendition of Doubled Up from the Oyster album actually brought tears to my eyes - and that never happens to me. The 105 minute set consisted of tracks from her excellent new album Red Bird (a real return to form) and a good mixture of songs from her earlier releases. The only notable omission was Sugar, always a live favourite of mine, but that kinda summed up the evening - she left the audience craving more. An absolutely stunning performance.

A few of us caught up with Heather out in the London rain after the gig and she was very obliging, talking to everyone in turn and signing items, despite the fact that baby Sebastian was nursing a cold and the tourbus was waiting to ferry them over to Brussels. The perfect end to a perfect evening.

FrightFest in Brighton

Yes, the FrightFest team are coming to Brighton on November 26th as part of this year's Cine City festival. The guys will be presenting two new films at the Duke of York's cinema on the Saturday evening - Anthony C. Ferrante's Boo, which was originally due to screen at the August event in London, and Pierre Morel's District 13, a French action flick written and produced by Luc Besson. They're also hoping to show a couple of episodes of the new Masters Of Horror television series, and I'm sure there will be a few surprises and giveaways.

Hope to see you there!

30 Second Bunny Theatre

Fancy seeing The Exorcist performed in thirty seconds by a theatre group of animated bunnies? Or Jaws? Or Alien? Well, this is the site for you... www.angryalien.com
Don't forget to check out Pigeon-Kam too!

October Live

I love being in Brighton in October - well, aside from the plunging temperatures and the wind and rain, obviously - the students are back in town, and there's absolutely tons of live shows going on. For starters, the first week of the month is Brighton Live, a series of (mainly) free gigs in venues of every shape and size around the city, and then after that the Paramount Brighton Comedy Festival takes over the Dome for two weeks of fun and laughter. So, with all this choice, here's a few pointers to help you...

03/10 - It has to be Goldfrapp at the Dome tonight. They're gonna be recording the whole show and selling the live CD within thirty minutes of the gig finishing, apparently. Ooh la la... If you haven't managed to get a ticket (yes, it's a sell out) then I'd recommend seeing The Pipettes at the Komedia instead.

04/10 - The loveGods are launching their 'proper' debut album Audience Of One with a special performance at the Komedia.

05/10 - After her spellbinding show at the Komedia back in April, I shall be checking out Emiliani Torrini at the Concorde. Which is a bit of a shame as Good Morning Captain are playing a free gig at the Albert the same night, and Dom's band are always great live, especially with their viola player seemingly a permanent member of the band now.

06/10 - Lining up to be the gig of the month is the Radio Soulwax night at the Event, with Soulwax playing Nite Versions live, plus tunes from their alter-egos 2 Many DJs until 3am. Unmissable!

07/10 - The Paramount Brighton Comedy Festival begins with Bill Bailey doing three consecutive nights of sold out shows at the Dome. I'd recommend seeing Jerry Sadowitz who's doing two performances of his magic show at the Pavilion Theatre - and he's doing his extremely vulgar stand up show the following night.

10/10 - More Kitson comedy gold. Yup, Daniel Kitson returns to the Pavilion Theatre for his new stand up show about friendship. He's just added a third date on the 17th, so snap 'em up quick! Dan says, "It's not going to be full of c***s is it?"

12/10 - Choices, choices, choices! Sticking with the comedy you've got Noel Fielding (from The Mighty Boosh) at the Corn Exchange, whilst the excellent Will Smith (not that Will Smith) is over in the Pavilion Theatre - his 2004 show 10 Arguments I Should Have Won was my favourite show at last year's festival. If it's music you're after then there's The Subways at the Event, with support from The Kooks, whilst the Concorde have Hal playing live.

13/10 - Richard Herring is on at the Pavilion Theatre with his latest show, Someone Likes Yoghurt. I've still got fond memories of Fist Of Fun...

15/10 - Lots of gigs at the Event this month - this time it's the turn of Royksopp. Or if you want a chuckle on your Sunday night then you could always check out Ross Noble at the Dome... if he asks what you do for a living, just tell him you're a fork lift truck driver.

18/10 - Dave Spikey, the other genius behind Phoenix Nights returns to the Corn Exchange for some proper old-school stand up. Can't believe that tickets haven't sold out yet!

20/10 - Okay, this could be a bit of a gamble, but I'm going to check out Fozzy at the Concorde - the rock band fronted by WWE legend Chris Jericho. Could be hilarious, could be awful...

21/10 - I'm gonna do a double-bill of comedy; starting off with John Oliver & Andy Zaltzman at the Pavilion Theatre - John is always on The Comic Side of 7 Days on BBC Three and is also Kitson's flatmate. After that, it's Stewart Lee at the Corn Exchange - his new stand up show has been getting rave reviews in the quality papers, so should be a good one.

22/10 - It's the last day of the comedy festival, with Jimmy Carr now doing two performances at the Dome that night.

26/10 - Brighton's supergroup Brakes are playing at the Concorde - but I'm going to be up in London watching The Dandy Warhols at the Hammersmith Palais.

28/10 - Always a good night out - Fatboy Slim is doing the Boutique night at the Concorde. I had such a good time down there when he appeared there back in December last year...

31/10 - More choices! Turin Brakes are on at the Dome presenting their stripped-down acoustic sound, whilst Athlete are on at Brighton Centre supported by the lovely Gemma Hayes, and The loveGods are playing at the Concorde. Hmmmm.

It's going to be a long, hectic month... I'll do my best to post some photos and write a few lines about the shows that I manage to catch.

Sleep can wait until November.