Movie Haiku - Fantastic Four

www.fantasticfourmovie.com


Dir: Tim Story


Cast: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis


He's big and orange

he stretches, he's hot and she's

it's slobbering time!


Another Summer, another comic book adaptation. The eagerly awaited release of Fantastic Four centres around four (duh!) main characters on a space mission; down on his luck scientist Reed Richards (Gruffudd), his partner Ben Grimm (Chiklis), ex-girlfriend Sue Storm (Alba) and her reckless brother Johnny (Evans). Along with financier Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) their bodies all gain special powers when their space craft is hit by some kind of electrical storm. There's an amusing build up as the four discover their new abilities - Reed is able to stretch his limbs at will, Sue turns invisible, Johnny becomes a human torch, and Ben - who gets the bum deal in all this - becomes The Thing, a Hulk-like creature made of stone. Let's just say his wife doesn't approve. The four become the Fantastic Four after an incident on a bridge where they save the lives of a number of motorists and firemen (although it's conveniently forgotten that it was actually The Thing who caused the accident in the first place). Anyway, every comic book hero needs a villain, so here we have Doom, his face and right arm slowly turning into metal like something out of Tetsuo. He's a bit disappointing in all honesty - you really want a charismatic, over-the-top nemesis in a gaudy family flick like this, but Doom just doesn't seem, well, evil enough. The four are generally likeable people; Chiklis is especially self-depreciating throughout, Evans does the pretty, wise-cracking role well, and Alba looks ravishing... although I'm sure I'm not the only person to think it would have been a lot more fun if it had been her clothes that had become invisible and not her actual body! Gruffudd however is barely two-dimensional and his acting ability certainly isn't stretched here (heh heh), and the less said about his appalling CGI stretchy arms the better. The rest of the effects are hit and miss - with The Thing you get some good realistic close-ups, and then you get some shots of his hands and feet which just look like big lumps of rubber. I dunno... I just didn't care that much, it's a fun film but I've no particular affection for the comic book, nor great knowledge of the characters, so I probably spent more time spotting movie cliches than anything else. Fantastic Four certainly excels in logic-defying storytelling: there's Johnny in his hospital bed... then in the next scene he's jumping out of a helicopter on a snowboard with his nurse; there's The Thing with his random breaking of chairs and cups - surely it's all or none; there's Alba turning invisible on the bridge... don't any of the crowd think this is a little unusual? And that crowd scene on the bridge, well... isn't it convenient how quickly Ben's wife appears to cause a scene, how come the team are able to hold a press conference within minutes of the action ending, and where do all those placards suddenly appear from... I could go on. Here's a parting thought for you - if this spawns a series of sequels will they call one Fantastic 4x4?

soulmining rating: ***