Bad Biology

www.myspace.com/badbiology

Dir: Frank Henenlotter

Cast: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed, Tom Kohut, James Glickenhaus


She's got seven clits
he injects his monster cock
they're a perfect match

soulmining rating: ***

Freakdog

www.frightfest.co.uk/freakdog

Dir: Paddy Breathnach

Cast: Arielle Kebbel, Sarah Carter, Andrew Lee Potts, Martin Compston


Goes into coma
drugs make him possess and kill
far too much strobing

soulmining rating: **

The Strangers

www.thestrangersmovie.com

Dir: Bryan Bertino

Cast: Liv Tyler, Scott Speedman, Gemma Ward, Kip Weeks


Alone in the house
the strangers come a knocking
make you jump a lot

soulmining rating: ****

Mum & Dad

www.revolvergroup.com

Dir: Steven Sheil

Cast: Perry Benson, Dido Miles, Olga Fedori, Ainsley Howard


Heathrow drives them mad
parents abduct immigrants
so dysfunctional

soulmining rating: ****

Trailer Park Of Terror

www.trailerparkofterror.com

Dir: Steven Goldman

Cast: Nichole Hiltz, Trace Adkins, Priscilla Barnes, Stefanie Black


Trailer trash zombies
feast on visiting teenies
fry them in hot oil

soulmining rating: ***

Timecrimes

www.loscronocrimenes.com

Dir: Nacho Vigalondo

Cast: Karra Elejalde, Barbara Goenaga, Nacho Vigalondo, Candela Fernandez


Spies on girl in woods
flees masked man in time machine
needs to change future

soulmining rating: ****

Scar 3D

www.scarthemovie.com

Dir: Jed Weintrob

Cast: Angela Bettis, Kirby Bliss Blanton, Ben Cotton, Devon Graye


A killer returns
tortures young girls in the morgue
first breasts in 3D

soulmining rating: ***

I Know How Many Runs You Scored Last Summer

www.therunsmovie.com

Dir: Stacey Edmonds & Doug Turner

Cast: Jai Koutrae, Stacey Edmonds, Az Jackson, David Gambin


Bullied at boys school
now puts spikes in cricket balls
have a nice shower

soulmining rating: *

Eden Lake

www.edenlakemovie.co.uk

Dir: James Watkins

Cast: Kelly Reilly, Michael Fassbender, Jack O'Connell, Thomas Turgoose

Couple go camping
hoodies intimidate them
I blame the parents

soulmining rating: ****

Bug

www.lionsgate.com/bug

Dir: William Friedkin

Cast: Ashley Judd, Michael Shannon, Lynn Collins, Harry Connick Jr


Stuck in motel room
think it's infested with bugs
paranoia reigns

soulmining rating: ****

Catacombs

www.lionsgate.com

Dir: Tomm Coker & David Elliott

Cast: Shannyn Sossamon, Alecia Moore, Emil Hostina, Sandi Dragoi


Party with the skulls
she gets chased along tunnels
yes it is a map

soulmining rating: **

FrightFest all-nighter at the ICA

George A. Romero with Paul McEvoy

Halloween is always a good time to get together to watch scary movies with a bunch of friends, so this weekend saw the second annual FrightFest all-nighter at the ICA in London. I missed last year's inaugaral event so was hyped about getting to this one, especially with such a stellar line up - even though I'd seen three of the films at TIFF in September. Thurein, Chrissy and I made good time getting up to London after work, so had enough time to grab a drink at the Phoenix beforehand where we met up with Steve, Tabitha, Rachael, Sheridan, Mike and a few other regulars. There were chaotic scenes at the ICA with people queuing for returns and special guest George A. Romero doing a signing session in the bar area. Rachael and I were collared by Scott Weinberg and Johanna who were busy interviewing people for a documentary on horror fans, so we answered a few questions for them. With seating so tight Ian C, Laura and myself were nervous as to whether we'd get in to Diary Of The Dead, but in the end Ian got us seats okay and we were treated to a great Q&A with George after the screening where he said that he doesn't have an idea for a sequel, despite the posters that have been circulating at the AFM this week!

There were more guests for Planet Terror so we sat that one out and had a relaxing drink in the bar instead with Ian, Paul and Mike. No problems with seating thereafter, so I was back in for the retro screening which was Savage Streets, a vigilante exploitation flick from 1984 starring Linda Blair. I'd earmarked this as a good time to sleep, but it was such a glorious celebration of wrongness (cheers David) that it kept us laughing from start to finish - all eighties fashion disasters, synth-rock soundtrack, gratuitous shower scenes, twenty-something actors pretending to be high school teens... and totally un-PC. Great stuff!

With Ian headed for home, Paul asked whether I'd like to introduce the UK premiere of Frontiere(s) so despite my fear of public speaking I gave it my best shot describing it as gory and f*cked up... I think it was a bit too relentless for some people, especially at 4am when we were all tired, but I still enjoyed watching it again. Last film of the night - and the perfect closer - was the other French shocker A l'interieur (Inside) which left many people reeling. Tired and numb we emerged blinking into daylight and said our goodbyes... I sloped off for breakfast with James and Jodie and then caught the train back to Brighton. Another hugely entertaining FrightFest event and I'm proud that I didn't fall asleep once during the night!

FrightFest 2007 - Day 5 (Monday)

Send... More... Paramedics...

Bank Holiday Monday meant one thing - the zombie walk! Mike's sterling efforts to break the World Record for the biggest gathering of zombies had us up at the crack of dawn preparing our costumes (with grateful thanks to Chrissy) and applying a slap of face paint. My 'brains' recipe worked a treat too - mixing crushed bananas with maple syrup and a dash of red food colouring... I certainly did 'eat my brains' that morning! Steve and I met Sheena & Ashley outside our B&B at 8am and then walked to Leicester Square together in full make up which was great fun. The gathering itself was quite overwhelming - so many people had made such efforts to get dressed up and there was a real carnival atmosphere. I've never been asked to pose for so many photos in my life and we got interviewed by a couple of film crews as well. Sadly we didn't break the record, but it was such good fun nevertheless. You can spot me in the video clips on both CNN and Zone Horror, and there are more professional pictures at Getty Images.

Me and Emily Booth in Leicester Square

Of course, the zombie walk was also arranged to highlight the first screening of the day, The Zombie Diaries. Having previously met Kevin and Sophia I was keen to see this one, and I quite enjoyed its refreshing take on the genre, very much in a similar vein to The Blair Witch Project. After a lengthy clean up and change of clothes we had the ghostly Km 31 but it was just as if every J-Horror cliché was on holiday in Mexico. I couldn't get into it at all, so I walked out about half way through. Not a bad move judging from some of the other comments afterwards. In the break Steve and I joined David & Sophie for a pint in one of the nearby pubs which provided a welcome intermission. Then it was back to the OWE for Adam Green's Spiral, as different a film to Hatchet as you could imagine. Very slow and moody, with a jazz soundtrack, it took me a long while to settle, but the ending really won me round and it seemed to be a favourite with the FrightFest crowd - as was Adam himself who afterwards told his inspiring Dee Snider story to much applause. Next up was Mike Williamson to introduce his 20 minute short In The Wall which was pretty good and then it was the turn of Day Watch (you can read my haiku here). I wasn't sure whether to see this again but was glad that I did - second time around it made perfect sense and the addition of the snazzy subtitles was a marked improvement on the dubbed version I'd seen back in April. And so to the closing film, the one which certain people had been tipping all weekend to be the best of the bunch... and they had it spot on. The World Premiere of The Orphanage was outstanding in every way and gave us at least two shocks which made us quiver in our seats. It was lovely having director Juan Antonio Bayona there in person to witness the reaction to his film and he gave a gracious Q&A after the screening.

Paul McEvoy, Me and Ian Rattray in the Phoenix

Needless to say the evening didn't end there... a sizeable crowd made their way to the Phoenix where we drank and partied until the early hours. A cracking end to yet another cracking FrightFest!

And next week I get to do it all over again in Toronto...

FrightFest Movie Haiku - The Orphanage

www.elorfanato-lapelicula.com

Dir: Juan Antonio Bayona

Cast: Belen Rueda, Fernando Cava, Mabel Rivera, Roger Princep

Invisible friends
now son has disappeared too
whole audience jumps

soulmining rating: *****

FrightFest Movie Haiku - Spiral

www.spiralthemovie.com

Dir: Adam Green & Joel David Moore

Cast: Joel David Moore, Amber Tamblyn, Zachary Levi, Tricia Helfer

Meets beautiful girl
paints her in many poses
she opens his drawers

soulmining rating: ***

FrightFest Movie Haiku - Km 31

www.km31.com.mx

Dir: Rigoberto Casteneda

Cast: Iliana Fox, Raul Mendez, Adria Collado, Carlos Aragon

Kid stands in the road
J-horror in Mexico
ghostly goings on

soulmining rating: *

FrightFest Movie Haiku - The Zombie Diaries

www.thezombiediaries.co.uk

Dir: Kevin Gates & Michael Bartlett

Cast: Russell Jones, Craig Stovin, Jonnie Hurn, Sophia Ellis

It spreads like bird flu
zombies come to London streets
countryside diaries

soulmining rating: ***

FrightFest 2007 - Day 4 (Sunday)

Paul Spurrier and Me in the Odeon bar

Had to get a few supplies on the way in preparation for Monday's zombie walk, so arrived just in time for Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door (to give it its full title, so as not to be confused with the Elisha Cuthbert comedy...) Alas, no comedy here, this was grim stuff based on a true case of child abuse and murder which left some in tears at the end. Definitely the most affecting film of the festival but not one I'd wish to see again. Director Kit Ryan was on hand to introduce Botched which sounded awful but in fact provided some much needed light relief after the previous film. Not a great film by any means, but programmed at the right time and its wackiness amused if you were prepared to excuse the dodgy Russian accents and run with it. Next up was the eagerly anticipated / dreaded Uwe Boll double-bill with the good doctor himself in attendance. He seemed very much at ease and ready to take on any criticisms that would later come his way... Postal wasn't quite as funny as I'd hoped for; offensive to everyone, but on the same kind of level as Troma or Team America, the jokes were hit and miss, but it certainly had its moments. A quick bite to eat with Rob and Nicola and then we returned for Seed, a bleak nihilistic film which featured a brutal prolonged hammer attack - the most shocking thing I saw all weekend. It certainly divided the audience and led to a heated Q&A afterwards. For me, the film worked and is still haunting me with its unpleasant images even now. I bumped into Paul Spurrier on the way out so he joined Thurein and I for a beer and a chat up in the bar - and the good news is that a UK DVD release of P should be with us very soon! Thurein managed to get his photo taken with Reece Sheersmith whilst I said hello to Paul Andrew Williams, and then we dashed back downstairs to watch a long teaser for his forthcoming film The Cottage. Looked very funny, but the jury is out on the man-trap gag which seemed to be totally ripped off from Severance. Director Tom Shankland introduced WΔZ, a gritty urban thriller in a similar vein to Se7en which boasted an intelligent script and some fine performances - one of the strongest films of the festival and one to look out for.

Audiencewalkers - Steve, James and Me

Before the last film of the evening the lovely Emily Booth and Marc Morris took to the stage to introduce a feature on their Grindhouse trailer collection, coming soon to DVD. And then it was Skinwalkers... or rather Audiencewalkers as I then christened it, due to the huge amount of walkouts. It was your typical glossy PG-13 horror/fantasy with appalling dialogue and cheesy action scenes - exactly the type of film I'd be fast-forwarding through if I had the DVD. So we gave it thirty minutes then bailed ourselves, and then laughed when we bumped into James, Jodie, Sarah, Craig, D and Stuart out in the foyer who'd all had the same idea! Steve and I joined James and Jodie for a sneaky free beer up in the bar and that made it all better.

FrightFest Movie Haiku - Skinwalkers

www.skinwalkers.com

Dir: James Isaac

Cast: Jason Behr, Elias Koteas, Rhona Mitra, Kim Coates

PG-13 guff
werewolves at war over kid
audience walkers

soulmining rating: *

FrightFest Movie Haiku - WΔZ

www.wazthemovie.com

Dir: Tom Shankland

Cast: Stellan Skarsgard, Melissa George, Selma Blair, Ashley Walters


Solve the equation
will they sacrifice for love
more sore genitals

soulmining rating: ****