Thursday, January 29, 2009
Closed For Business
As you will have no doubt have noticed (if anyone still bothers to check this blog) I haven't posted any updates since the end of August. Basically I've got lazy... the blog was taking up too much of my time and I was finding Facebook to be a more user-friendly base for letting friends know what I'd been up to. So, I'm closing it down. The old posts will remain here for reference, but for all current updates please check out my other sites as follows:
My facebook page.
MySpace
My myspace page.
Chris And Phil Present...
Home of our regular podcasts mixing intelligent film reviews and nonsensical chatter.
Eat My Brains
UK based horror website to which I contribute reviews and features.
Dread Central
US based horror website to which I contribute reviews and features.
FrightFest
UK genre festival website to which I contribute a monthly TV column.
Thank you for all the support over the last five years and goodnight.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Bad Biology
www.myspace.com/badbiology
Dir: Frank Henenlotter
Cast: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed, Tom Kohut, James Glickenhaus
She's got seven clits
he injects his monster cock
they're a perfect match
soulmining rating: ***
Dir: Frank Henenlotter
Cast: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed, Tom Kohut, James Glickenhaus
She's got seven clits
he injects his monster cock
they're a perfect match
soulmining rating: ***
Freakdog
www.frightfest.co.uk/freakdog
Dir: Paddy Breathnach
Cast: Arielle Kebbel, Sarah Carter, Andrew Lee Potts, Martin Compston
Goes into coma
drugs make him possess and kill
far too much strobing
soulmining rating: **
Dir: Paddy Breathnach
Cast: Arielle Kebbel, Sarah Carter, Andrew Lee Potts, Martin Compston
Goes into coma
drugs make him possess and kill
far too much strobing
soulmining rating: **
The Strangers
www.thestrangersmovie.com
Dir: Bryan Bertino
Cast: Liv Tyler, Scott Speedman, Gemma Ward, Kip Weeks
Alone in the house
the strangers come a knocking
make you jump a lot
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Bryan Bertino
Cast: Liv Tyler, Scott Speedman, Gemma Ward, Kip Weeks
Alone in the house
the strangers come a knocking
make you jump a lot
soulmining rating: ****
Mum & Dad
www.revolvergroup.com
Dir: Steven Sheil
Cast: Perry Benson, Dido Miles, Olga Fedori, Ainsley Howard
Heathrow drives them mad
parents abduct immigrants
so dysfunctional
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Steven Sheil
Cast: Perry Benson, Dido Miles, Olga Fedori, Ainsley Howard
Heathrow drives them mad
parents abduct immigrants
so dysfunctional
soulmining rating: ****
Trailer Park Of Terror
www.trailerparkofterror.com
Dir: Steven Goldman
Cast: Nichole Hiltz, Trace Adkins, Priscilla Barnes, Stefanie Black
Trailer trash zombies
feast on visiting teenies
fry them in hot oil
soulmining rating: ***
Dir: Steven Goldman
Cast: Nichole Hiltz, Trace Adkins, Priscilla Barnes, Stefanie Black
Trailer trash zombies
feast on visiting teenies
fry them in hot oil
soulmining rating: ***
Timecrimes
www.loscronocrimenes.com
Dir: Nacho Vigalondo
Cast: Karra Elejalde, Barbara Goenaga, Nacho Vigalondo, Candela Fernandez
Spies on girl in woods
flees masked man in time machine
needs to change future
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Nacho Vigalondo
Cast: Karra Elejalde, Barbara Goenaga, Nacho Vigalondo, Candela Fernandez
Spies on girl in woods
flees masked man in time machine
needs to change future
soulmining rating: ****
Scar 3D
www.scarthemovie.com
Dir: Jed Weintrob
Cast: Angela Bettis, Kirby Bliss Blanton, Ben Cotton, Devon Graye
A killer returns
tortures young girls in the morgue
first breasts in 3D
soulmining rating: ***
Dir: Jed Weintrob
Cast: Angela Bettis, Kirby Bliss Blanton, Ben Cotton, Devon Graye
A killer returns
tortures young girls in the morgue
first breasts in 3D
soulmining rating: ***
I Know How Many Runs You Scored Last Summer
www.therunsmovie.com
Dir: Stacey Edmonds & Doug Turner
Cast: Jai Koutrae, Stacey Edmonds, Az Jackson, David Gambin
Bullied at boys school
now puts spikes in cricket balls
have a nice shower
soulmining rating: *
Dir: Stacey Edmonds & Doug Turner
Cast: Jai Koutrae, Stacey Edmonds, Az Jackson, David Gambin
Bullied at boys school
now puts spikes in cricket balls
have a nice shower
soulmining rating: *
Eden Lake
www.edenlakemovie.co.uk
Dir: James Watkins
Cast: Kelly Reilly, Michael Fassbender, Jack O'Connell, Thomas Turgoose
Couple go camping
hoodies intimidate them
I blame the parents
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: James Watkins
Cast: Kelly Reilly, Michael Fassbender, Jack O'Connell, Thomas Turgoose
Couple go camping
hoodies intimidate them
I blame the parents
soulmining rating: ****
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor
www.themummy3movie.co.uk
Dir: Rob Cohen
Cast: Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, John Hannah
Absolute nonsense
so bad I made myself sleep
bring back talking plane
soulmining rating: *
Dir: Rob Cohen
Cast: Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, John Hannah
Absolute nonsense
so bad I made myself sleep
bring back talking plane
soulmining rating: *
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Get Smart
www.getsmartmovie.co.uk
Dir: Peter Segal
Cast: Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson, Alan Arkin
Promoted to spy
lots of mishaps on the way
stop the conductor
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Peter Segal
Cast: Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson, Alan Arkin
Promoted to spy
lots of mishaps on the way
stop the conductor
soulmining rating: ****
Friday, August 08, 2008
Chocolate
www.chocolate-movie.com
Dir: Prachya Pinkaew
Cast: JeeJa Yanin, Hiroshi Abe, Pongpat Wachirabanjong, Amara Siripong
She collects the debts
has to fight lots of heavies
but is scared of flies
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Prachya Pinkaew
Cast: JeeJa Yanin, Hiroshi Abe, Pongpat Wachirabanjong, Amara Siripong
She collects the debts
has to fight lots of heavies
but is scared of flies
soulmining rating: ****
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
www.hellboymovie.co.uk
Dir: Guillermo Del Toro
Cast: Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, Jeffrey Tambor
Search the troll market
stop Prince from raising army
become big red dad
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Guillermo Del Toro
Cast: Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones, Jeffrey Tambor
Search the troll market
stop Prince from raising army
become big red dad
soulmining rating: ****
The X Files: I Want To Believe
www.xfiles.com
Dir: Chris Carter
Cast: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly
Big yin has visions
need to find missing agent
Mulder still obsessed
soulmining rating: ***
Dir: Chris Carter
Cast: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly
Big yin has visions
need to find missing agent
Mulder still obsessed
soulmining rating: ***
Thursday, July 31, 2008
WALL•E
www.meetwalle.co.uk
Dir: Andrew Stanton
Voices: Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin, Sigourney Weaver
He cleans up the earth
she comes looking for plant life
chase around spaceship
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Andrew Stanton
Voices: Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin, Sigourney Weaver
He cleans up the earth
she comes looking for plant life
chase around spaceship
soulmining rating: ****
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Dark Knight
www.thedarkknightmovie.co.uk
Dir: Christopher Nolan
Cast: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman
Ledger's legacy
as Joker toys with Batman
targets Harvey Dent
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Christopher Nolan
Cast: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman
Ledger's legacy
as Joker toys with Batman
targets Harvey Dent
soulmining rating: ****
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Journey To The Centre Of The Earth 3D
www.journeymovie.com
Dir: Eric Brevig
Cast: Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson, Anita Briem, Seth Meyers
Find volcanic tubes
dodge beasties at the earth's core
and flying yo-yo
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Eric Brevig
Cast: Brendan Fraser, Josh Hutcherson, Anita Briem, Seth Meyers
Find volcanic tubes
dodge beasties at the earth's core
and flying yo-yo
soulmining rating: ****
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Brighton Wok: The Legend Of Ganja Boxing
www.brighton-wok.com
Dir: Gabriel Howard
Cast: Richard Forsyth, Samson Byford-Winter, Randolph Barrington, Laura Byford-Winter
He's the chosen one
devil's claw at royal pav
smokes ganja to fight
soulmining rating: ***
Dir: Gabriel Howard
Cast: Richard Forsyth, Samson Byford-Winter, Randolph Barrington, Laura Byford-Winter
He's the chosen one
devil's claw at royal pav
smokes ganja to fight
soulmining rating: ***
Friday, July 11, 2008
Donkey Punch
www.donkeypunchmovie.co.uk
Dir: Olly Blackburn
Cast: Robert Boulter, Tom Burke, Nichola Burley, Jaime Winstone
Party on the boat
donkey punch kills one of them
everyone panics
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Olly Blackburn
Cast: Robert Boulter, Tom Burke, Nichola Burley, Jaime Winstone
Party on the boat
donkey punch kills one of them
everyone panics
soulmining rating: ****
Hancock
www.hancockwashere.com
Dir: Peter Berg
Cast: Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman, Eddie Marsan
Drunk superhero
forced to go into rehab
suddenly veers off
soulmining rating: **
Dir: Peter Berg
Cast: Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman, Eddie Marsan
Drunk superhero
forced to go into rehab
suddenly veers off
soulmining rating: **
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Wanted
www.wantedmovie.com
Dir: Timur Bekmambetov
Cast: James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie, Terence Stamp
Normal office guy
finds that he can curve bullets
adult action joy
soulmining rating: ****
Dir: Timur Bekmambetov
Cast: James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie, Terence Stamp
Normal office guy
finds that he can curve bullets
adult action joy
soulmining rating: ****
The Ruins
www.ruinsmovie.com
Dir: Carter Smith
Cast: Jonathan Tucker, Jena Malone, Laura Ramsey, Shawn Ashmore
Don't step on the vines
don't try and leave the hillside
don't pick up the knife
soulmining rating: ***
Dir: Carter Smith
Cast: Jonathan Tucker, Jena Malone, Laura Ramsey, Shawn Ashmore
Don't step on the vines
don't try and leave the hillside
don't pick up the knife
soulmining rating: ***
Sunday, June 22, 2008
The Incredible Hulk
www.incrediblehulk.com
Dir: Louis Leterrier
Cast: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt
He still gets angry
army want to capture him
big fight on high street
soulmining rating: ***
Dir: Louis Leterrier
Cast: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt
He still gets angry
army want to capture him
big fight on high street
soulmining rating: ***
The Happening
www.thehappeningmovie.com
Dir: M. Night Shyamalan
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Ashlyn Sanchez
Suicides begin
not a terrorist attack
he talks to the plants
soulmining rating: **
Dir: M. Night Shyamalan
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Ashlyn Sanchez
Suicides begin
not a terrorist attack
he talks to the plants
soulmining rating: **
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Superhero Movie
www.superhero-movie.net
Dir: Craig Mazin
Cast: Drake Bell, Sara Paxton, Christopher McDonald, Leslie Nielsen
More like shit movie
Dragonfly not Spiderman
it's a laugh free zone
soulmining rating: *
Dir: Craig Mazin
Cast: Drake Bell, Sara Paxton, Christopher McDonald, Leslie Nielsen
More like shit movie
Dragonfly not Spiderman
it's a laugh free zone
soulmining rating: *
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